


Nothing Ever Stays Nice

by Blankrose



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Lets see where this goes, No Shepard Without Vakarian, Paragon Shepard (Mass Effect), Shepard (Mass Effect) has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shepard has panic attacks, i cant write sumt even if it would save my life, lack of momshep so im solveing that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24775237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blankrose/pseuds/Blankrose
Summary: nine years after sheaprd destroys the reapers, shes retierd, has a home, three kids, and a wonderful husband. but knowing commander shepard, nothing stays nice for long.
Relationships: EDI/Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so... im writting this beacuse there is a lack of momshep here, i also have really bad spelling, so if you notice anything ponit it out. this also took me a long time to write so dont expect updates super often, have fun?

**Chapter 1**

The drive home is filled by the music playing out of the radio, and the charter of two excited kids talking about the beach. Turning down the driveway towards the house. The entire road is lined with tall fir trees that somehow survived the reaper attack. He parks the car taking the kids bags with him while they run back inside. 

  
  


Garrus opens the front door as the kids are already ripping off their shoes as. He sets the bags down in the kitchen as he hears the two of them ruining up the stairs. Garrus unpacks their lunches and puts the backpacks back by the door. That's when he releases the house is too quiet, shepards not inside.

  
  


“Shepard?” he says, garrus wanders around the living and kitchen arenas to find no trace of her, so he steps outside. The warm coastal air of the canadian sunshine coast flies with the gentle breeze that shakes the tree branches and russels the bushes. He looks to his left to find Shepard sleeping on the couch with cardan, the toddler krogen they recently adopted. “Lamb,” garrus says as he gently puts his hand on her knee.

  
  


With Shepard not waking up, garrus sits down next to carefully removing carden from her arms. He holds carden while resting his head on shepards shoulder. After another minute or so, a human girl, and a turian boy come blasting out the patio door and down onto the beach with shovels and buckets in hand.

  
  


Just as their laughter is carried by the wind back up the beach to garrus and shepard, she opens her eyes. Shepard wakes up to see her two of her kids playing in the sandy beach, and her husband with his head on her shoulder. 

  
  


“You need to stop falling asleep with a carden in your arms, lamb, you know that can end badly.” garrus says.

“Awww shush garrus, you know i'm better than that,” shepard looks out towards the water to see the kids building a sand castle. “Besides you were only gone for half an hour.”

  
  


“Fair though,” garrus leans into the couch more looking off into the horizon across to vancouver island. “By the way, my dad and sister are coming to visit in a few days.”

  
  


“Knowing your sister she just decided for you didnt she.”

  
  


“And is dragging my dad along with her, yes.”

“I love your family.”

  
  


“Not more than me I hope.”

  
  


“Of course not, the normandy is who i'm really married too, and ah, i guess i should tell you my mother is coming over tomorrow too.”

  
  


“Tomorrow, how did she get shore leave, you had to retire for the alliance to let you spend time not working.”

  
  


“By some miracle she did, I bet she went right to hackett.”

  
  


“That is something your mother would do.'' Shepard looks at her watch, seeing the time she stands up and walks back inside. She opens the kitchen fridge to find out what they have to eat. Shepard pulls a few things out of the fridge and begins cutting. Cooking for both levo and dextro can be exhausting, in the years that they've lived here shepards have improved upon her cooking skills. 

  
  


After putting the meat in the oven, Shepard washes her hands and takes a look outside. She sees carden playing with his older brother and sister. “Hey garrus,” she steps back outside onto the deck. “Are you sure you should be leaving carden alone with Nilus and Avery.” 

  
  


“They're fine over there, besides we can't be watching them all the time.” 

  
  


“I love you garrus but not now,” shepard looks back at the kids, “hey!” speak of the devil, Cardon is running around chasing Nilus and Avery. Before anything bad happens shepard charges forward using her biotics to get between the kids letting Cardon run right into her. The toddler hits her hard in her metal prosthetic making a clanging noise. She picked him up in her arms shooting dagger eyes at garrus. He comes jogging over. “The one time your not your usual over protective father self this happens.”

  
  


“Sorry lamb, i, well,” he looks at cardon, “remember we don't run around chasing people, it's not very nice.'' Cardon looks at garrus knowingly, then sticks his tongue out at him. 

  
  


“Hey, that's not a way to treat your dad cardon, say sorry,” Shepard says.

  
  


“No, put me down!” cardon yells in the most adorable baby voice. 

  
  


“Cardon, be a good boy and say sorry, or no desert tonight,” she boops cardons nose. The baby krogen looks down at the ground.

  
  


“I'm sorry daddy,” he says.

  
  


“Awww its ok cardon, i still love you.” garrus takes the little boy from shepard tossing him up in the air. As if they were summoned, both Avery and Nilus are standing at his feet looking up at him pleading eyes. “Shepard,” he says as he watches her walk back up the beach to the house. 

  
  


“This is your problem honey, you got yourself in this one, i'm gonna go make sure dinners not burned, have fun,” she waves back to him as the kids take turns being picked up and thrown up into the air. 

  
  


The smell of dinner in the oven fills the entire room as she steps inside. The gentle breeze carries the smell across the entire room, cooking has always been something shepard enjoyed since she was a little girl, even if she was not the best for a very long time do to lack of time to be cooking while being the alliances war hero and savior of the entire galaxy, but retiring certainly gives her a lot more time to cook and bake again. 

  
  


Setting the table for dinner, Shepard grabs the plates from the cabinet setting the table. With dishes and cutlery out she calls everyone inside for dinner, as garrus and the kids walk back to the house she puts towels over three of the chairs for the wet bathing suit wearing children about to storm the house. 

  
  


She serves three levo and two dextro meals, making dinner for her family is not the easiest thing in the world to do with having different species. The four of them come inside with the dropping of plastic toys outside the door. Garrus follows them inside with cardon in his arms. 

  
  


Shepard plates the food, getting everyone to sit down at the table, as everyone starts to eat, Shepard is already loading the dishwasher and stacking the hand washing dishes.

“Lamb, sit down and eat, you made a wonderful dinner and now your not eating and doing dishes,” garrus stands up walking towards shepard rubbing his thumbs on her shoulders, “let us do it tonight, me and the kids can handle it, i know you feel like you have to do everything and make sure everyone around you is happy, but you can rely on me and the kids.”

  
  


“Have i told you i love you garrus,” 

  
  


“Not enough,” he presses his head to hers nuzzling at her cheek.

  
  


“Gross, daddy is kissing mommy.” Nilus puts his fork down then sticks his tongue out while looking at Avery who copies his actions. 

  
  


“You know,” shepard takes a seat at the table serving herself some food. “One day you’ll kiss someone too Nilus.”

  
  


“Gross,” 

  
  


“Only gross till you do it too,” Shepard takes a few bites of the food. “So how was school today?” 

  
  


“I went to the park today with my class, we played mantracker,” Nilus says while taking a massive bite of food into his mouth. 

  
  


“And we made paper mache shapes for math,” Avery chimed in. “tomorrow we are going to use them to build structures.”

  
  


“Thats cool, and what's ‘man tracker’ Nilus?” shepard asks.

  
  


“You don't know what man tracker is!” Nilus practically jumps up from his seat, “it's super fun, the person thats it stands at the top of something tall looking for everyone who is playing the game. It's a lot of fun.”

  
  


“Could we play here?” shepard questions.

“No, not enough people, but you’ve never played before?”

  
  


“I grew up never calling anywhere home, my mum, your grandmother, was a captain when i was a kid. So i never spent a lot of time on earth as a little girl, I would go with her to whatever ship she was assigned to, was taught by A.I.s and as soon as the alliance found out I have biotics, I was primed to become a soldier.” 

  
  


“Best damm soldier in the alliance,” Garrus adds.

  
  


“Yeah, mommy is the best with all guns!” Nilus declared. 

  
  


“Remember we don't say things like that at school Nilus,” Garrus says as he stands to clear the dishes from the table. 

  
  


“But mommy is so cool, she's saved the entire galaxy!” 

  
  


“I may have saved the galaxy, but it's not appropriate to go boasting about it,” shepard explained. “Now come on, let's help your dad clean up,” she stands up grabbing her own plate and cardons, who has managed to keep the food on his plate and face. 

  
  


“no , stop,” garrus takes both plates from shepherds hands before she can even reach the kitchen. “Go sit on the couch, you made dinner.”

  
  


Reluctantly shepard moves to the living room, she takes a set sinking into the couch that was definitely made for turians, not humans and watches her husband and kids clean up after dinner. In that moment she could not be any happier, to not be constantly at risk of losing her life to any given thing, hell, she's already died once, almost died a second time. She's beat death no matter what the universe throws her way, and now she has even more to live for.

  
  


It's not just a galaxy full of people she doesn't know anymore, it's a galaxy where she has more family then her mother who amazingly and not surprisingly survived the reaper attack. But now she has garrus, cardon, Nilus, and Nilus. her family, her people, the normandy, even if the crew is far away and being captained by others, everyone on that ship knows its shepards. 

The normandy is under her name, so really it is her ship, so she's just lending it out. But being retired definitely makes her see the world differently than as a soldier. You're told what to do, but ever since saren, she's never really followed the rules or orders, nothing stands between her and protecting others without a second thought. But it's nice to not have to be wearing alliance issued clothing, and constantly be carrying a gun. Although the cabinet in the garage is full just in case, not that she enjoys owning so many, but it's become a safety unforetureitly.

  
  


“Mommy,” Cardan pulls at her legs with his tiny little hands. “Pway.” 

  
  


“Alright, give me a moment,” shepard gets down on the floor in a push up position, cardon stands right at her head, cardon bumps his head against hers. He giggles when he gets up on her back.

  
  


“Up, down!” he tells her, shepard complies, and starts to do push ups, one after the next she goes down to the floor then back up again. He quickly climbs up on to her back holding tightly onto her shirt. He taps her left shoulder a few times, catching on shepard lifts her right arm up to cross her back behind cardon.

  
  


Shepard continues to push up with some amount of ease until Nilus and Avery notice what she's doing. She can hear the sound of draining water as both kids try to get on, Shepard puts her second arm back down on the ground,(three kids is a bit much for one arm.) 

  
  


Garrus notices her predicament and completely ignores her, as Shepard continues to do push ups, they quickly become slower as the constant weight starts to become more noticeable. 

  
  


“Not gonna help me garrus,” she pointed out. 

  
  


“No, I think you got this one,” he pours himself some turian brandy. 

  
  


“no , urg, special, time,” shepard loses her breath for a second, “for the next month then.”

  
  


Garrus nearly spills his drink on himself, “ok kids, time to get off mommy.” garrus picks up the children off shepards back and tosses each one on the couch. “Lets get all of you ready for bed, Avery go have a shower in our room, Nilus lets go get you in a bath and cardon ready for bed.”

  
  


Avery and Nilus look at garrus and roll their eyes. Begrudgingly they get off the couch and drag their feet up the stairs. “So, that motivation still works,” Shepard prompted while stretching her arms. 

  
  


“Shut up Shepard, i'm just a man who can dance.”

  
  


“And I'm a woman who can shoot a gun better than you can.”

  
  


“That's not true, I beat you when we had that contest on the citadel,” he looks at shepard who has turned around from halfway up the stairs to give him the most knowing look. “No way, no, I'm the better sniper,” Garrus points a finger at her.

  
  


“That's what you think,” shepard takes a step back down the stairs towards him.

  
  


“Woah, hold on, what do you mean, i won that bet, did you let me win?”

  
  


“Yes,” she puts her hands on his arms, “but to be fair, the celebration dance you did after was adorable and totally worth you thinking for nine years now that you're the better sniper,” shepard gently rubs circles with her thumbs.

  
  


“I love you, but maybe no special time for nine years for the nine years you lead me on,” garrus passes her going up the stairs. 

  
  


“No! That's not fair!” 

  
  
  


**\-----------------------------**

  
  


The next morning shepard gets up early, has a cold shower, and makes herself some coffee all before garrus and the kids get up. She's never been able to get rid of the habits of being a soldier, garrus is lucky to be able to sleep so long. The good part about the morning alone is enjoying the morning sunrise and making the kids lunches in the quiet. 

  
  


Nothing is really better than this time of the day, but it does get better when garrus is around. She looks up the stairs to see garrus taking tired steps down the stairs. The morning just got a lot better. 

  
  


“Good morning sleepy head,” shepard says. 

  
  


“Good morning to you too, any coffee for me?”

  
  


“Nope, sorry you're not usually up this early.”

  
  


“Awww, it's all right,” garrus wraps his hand around sheperds waist, the pair look out the window in the kitchen. The morning sunrise shines all colours of yellow and orange into the room. “So am i forgiven?” 

“yes , you are forgiven.”

  
  


“Good,” Garrus leans over, placing a kiss on top of her head. These are her favorite moments, when it's her and him alone just enjoying the company. Shepard never realized how truly alone she was until garrus came around. He's been with her ever since the beginning of all this now, he is here to stay, nothing in the universe can take him away from her.

  
  


The entire galaxy stops spinning for a second, the warmth of the morning sun dances on light feet across her skin coming in through the window. Yet while she lives, some of her friends from the days of the reapers have passed. still though most live, the ones that have stuck around even though shepherds not on the normandy.

  
  


“My mum will be here around noon, and the one annoying thing about retiring is the alliance not letting me move somewhere other than canada, it was their one deal maker.”

  
  


“And why would that be annoying?” 

  
  


“Because i want to be as far away from them as possible.”

  
  


“Hard to get away from a military organization sweetheart. Especially when you kinda saved the entire galaxy.”

  
  


“At the expense of the entire left side of my body, it tends to get hot in the sun when i dont cover my leg and arm.” 

  
  


“I like it, it makes you more turian, but i do like how soft you are.”

  
  


“If you told that to anyone else they would slap you across the face, but i just so happen to find you really attractive,” she looks up at him, nine years ago shepard would have never been able to tell what expression is on his face. But now a lot of battles, a death, a marriage, and three kids later, she can finally read his stealy face.

  
  


“Well thank you,” garrus turned back to the coffee machine, he makes a dextro cup for himself. “Are the kids lunches made?”

  
  


“Yup, are you taking them to school, or me?”

  
  


“If you don't mind, can you today, i'll stay here and get your mum sorted for you, i know she can be a lot.” 

  
  


“Do i tell you i love you enough,” shepard stands up on the tips of her toes giving him a kiss on his mandible.

  
  


“Could always stand to say it more,” garrus takes a long sip of his coffee as he watches Shepard go up the stairs. He can hear her waking up the kids, the sounds of their feet thumping lazily across the floor. The perks of an older home. By the time the kids are coming down the stairs garrus is on his second cup of coffee. He takes out two frying pans starting to make breakfast for the five of them. 

  
  


\-------------------------

  
  


Shepard gets out of the car grabbing Nilus and Avery backpacks. She follows both kids into the playground area, Avery immediately goes and plays on the structure, but Nilus is a little more hesitant, she’ll have to ask garrus about this when she gets home.

  
  


Shepard sits waiting with their bags, she fought to protect the lives of people she never knew, but at the time she knew they would all die if she didn't stand up and do something, for hell, cerberus didn't bring her back to life for nothing.

  
  


The bell rings, Shepard follows Nilus into the school. Avery comes up behind her grabbing her backpack while waving goodbye going down the opposite hallway with her friends. Nilus leads her down the other hallway, it's been a while since she's been in the school, usually attracts too much attention. 

  
  


They walk into his classroom together, she puts his backpack on the hook with his name on it. Shepard forces Nilus into a big hug, she encloses her arms around his tiny plates covered by his clothing. Shepard steps back looking at the little boy, a smile crosses her face. 

  
  


“Excuse me?” shepard is taped on her shoulder, she turns around to see Nilus teacher Ms. Newton, “I'm assuming your Nilus mother, ms shepard right?”

  
  


“Yes that would be me, your ms newton?”

  
  


  
  


“Yup, it's nice to see you, Niluses father usually comes and drops him off, i wanted to give you this,” ms newton sends shepard a message through her omi-tool. “Next on friday we are having a parent day, so you and your partner, or just one of you come in and tell the class about what you do for work.”

  
  


Shepard couldn't believe it, Niluses teacher was either not aware of who shepard is, or she's choosing to ignore who shepard is. “Yes, we can both be there, not like we have anything better to do with our time anyways.”

  
  


“Great i'll schedule you two in, i'll be in touch by my email if you have any questions, i would also like to know what you will be doing before you present,” ms newton walks towards some other people.

  
  
  


Shepard looks back down at Nilus giving him a hug and saying goodbye one last time before she leaves. She takes quick steps down the hallway back to the front of the school, she feels like all the other parents' eyes in the hallway are watching her as she makes her way to her car. 

  
  


She closes the door to her car shut, trunks on the engine and starts to drive to the store. Shepherd hates the feeling of being watched, she makes a stop at the grocery store before heading home. The drive is accompanied by the sound of quickly passing wind by her open window. 

Life is good for Shepard, she has her kids, her love filled 

home, and an incredibly sweet husband. And yet the no radio, no kids, and no garrus empty car still feels so full, just because she knows, sheaprd knows they love her, and she loves them. Everything is perfect, and she wants nothing to change.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, little shorter then the last one, but thought it was a good place to end. and about Niluses name, there is a story to why his name is spelt without the H

Chapter two

Shepard steps into the house, the sound of her mother talking to garrus ours out the door. She quietly takes off her shoes and sneks into the kitchen with all the grocery bags in her hands. From what she can gather, her mum is digging at garrus for gossip and updates on what they've been up to recently. She puts away the groceries then pours herself a large glass of wine. 

She braces herself for the coming storm that is hannah shepard. It's not that she hates her mother, it's just when she's not in uniform, she can be a lot. “Hi mum,” Shepard says, sitting down on one of the couches next to garrus. She practically sinks into the cushions as shepard sits down next to garrus, turian furniture can be too soft sometimes. 

“Hi dear, how are you?” Hannah asks.

“I'm as good as I can be, Garrus makes sure of that,” Shepard takes another long sip of her wine. 

“Your adorable lamb, but i'm more upset you dropped the kids off without me.”

“You were getting here too late mum,” shepard takes another big sip of her wine, “right garrus there's a parent day for Nilus this friday, his teacher Ms newton wants us to come tell the class about what we do for work.”

“Well that's problematic, you're a retired hero, my work history is c-sec, then sidekick to commander Shepard.” garrus says.

“Oh you two can be so dramatic, just go do what you do best, save the world,” Hannah explains.

“Mum, I love you, but you're sounding a little crazy. I'm not going to start a galactic war just to impress my kids' class.”

“No, you two are amazing soldiers, just spar, little kids love that kind of thing.” 

“That's not a bad idea, I'll send her an email.” shepard takes another long drink of her wine while sending the email to Ms Newton. Sheaprd empties her glass in one last big drink, setting it down on the coffee table. “In other news, mum, you said you needed to talk to me about something?”

“Yes,” she looks over at Garrus who seemed to have caught on, he stands up from the couch, letting shepard sink deeper into the sofa, taking her wine glass with him. “You might want to brace yourself for this lamb, but ah, there's no easy way to say this, the alliance has made the decision to change your status from ‘retired’ to ‘not currently serving’.” 

Shepard has no words. The sound of water pouring out of the kitchen tap is all that can be heard, the house is silent. Shepard can hardly understand what she was just told, on longer retired. Is that something the alliance can even do? Force someone out of retirement without their consent or telling the person in question face to face, and not through a third party. She can't wrap her head around the idea, she's not retired anymore.

“Can the alliance do that?” Garrus asks coming back into the living area. “even the hierarchy has the decency to not do that.”

“Well as a mother, no , i do not believe the alliance has the right to that power,” Hannah sits herself up straight. “But as rear admiral Hannah Shepard, i have no say in the matter, this was a decision made by the admiralty board.” 

The room stops talking, Garrus moves from behind the kitchen counter back to the couch where Shepard is sitting. He pulls Shepard close, tucking her head under his chin. She can hear his sub-vocals purring, the sound brings her back. Shepard pulls away from him looking at her mother, she crosses towards her, joining the hug. 

“I'm with you Shepard, wherever this goes, I'm here,” Garrus does his best to intertwine his hand with hers. 

“You should know, there's a meeting set up for you in vancouver to meet the admirals, on friday. they want to talk to you, after the decision was made conveniently,” Hannah says. 

“Friday is looking busy, Nilus has his parent day, your family will be here the day before, and now a meeting with the admiralty board. Wonderful,” shepard leans into the way to soft couch crossing her arms over her face. The first thing to come out of her mouth, and it's a sarcastic comment about the alliance and her extended family. Sometimes, she does hate herself more than usual. 

The rest of the day Shepard sucks up her crushed feelings, and keeps going. She spends her afternoon with her mother on the beach till she goes to pick up the kids. Ends up coming home with four children instead of just two, which turns into a huge playdate. While talking with her mother and Garrus before she starts to make dinner, she can hear the sound of kids' feet jumping on the floor.

The four of them come racing down the stairs at top speed all dressed up in blanket capes and rough cardboard cut swords. Shepard loves to see them play like this, their laughter as they hit each other with the cardboard. For the next few minutes she watches them out of the corner of her eye, making sure nobody gets hurt, shepard doesn't want to send kids that aren't her own home with bureses.

Shepards attention is brought back to Garrus, who started to cook dinner. He makes quick clean cuts of the vegetables, makes sense for someone who used to take the time to get the perfect shot. She joins him at the counter, starting to cut the rest of the vegetables. Her mother chats aimlessly while nursing a glass of wine, as garrus preps the meat for the frying pan. Shepard grabs a pan from the drawer, some grape seed oil, and the cut up onion.

When Garrus finishes cutting the meat, he puts it in the pan. The meat makes a sizzling noise as the strips of meat are put in the pan. Shepard preps the pots for steamed vegetables while Garrus cooks the meat. The pair work together to finish and get the table ready for three more people than usual. 

Shepard serves the vegetables on to the plates, then Garrus puts the slices of meat on top.Garrus goes and picks up Avery in his arms tossing her up into the air. When she lands back in his hands, he sets her down in a chair at the table. He calls the rest of the kids over for dinner. As everyone takes their seats, Shepard severs the plates of food, setting them down in front of everyone.

Dinner goes as it usually does, they all talk about their day while eating. Shepard finishes her food before anyone else, so she starts to clean up the kitchen. Pans get scrubbed. And anything that can get loaded into the dishwasher. She collects plates as everyone finishes their food. Garrus and Shepard let the kids play for a bit longer after dinner before she takes their guests home. 

An hour later Shepard calls for Nilus and Averys friends, the two of them get in the car as Shepard hugs her mother goodbye wishing her well on her trip back to vancouver. She drives the two kids to their families. On the drive home Shepard listens to the radio, nothing major, updates on the reconstruction of earth, and the other major planets. The news becomes music, the soft sounds of the music on the radio calm her nerves, making Shepard think of what her mother told her.

The alliance never does anything without justification, so there's something that is so important, that they need to take her out of retirement. It boggles her mind, what could be so important, the galaxy is working together to rebuild, not one species came out of this war without scars. So why are they pulling her away from her family and home to go and get told to do things, then ask her for her opinion, then not like her opinion. Nothing about it makes any sense.

She turns the car down the gravel driveway leading down to her home. Shepard parks the car, locks it, then walks inside, locking the front door behind her. She can hear Garrus' voice, its quiet and distant meaning he's probolby upsairts with the kids, she was gone for nearly 40 minutes. So even quieter than Garrus is talking, she pours herself a glass of her most expensive gamay noir, and pours some of Garrus's more expensive brandy for him. 

A few minutes pass of her listening to him read, and he's walking down stairs. He sits down on the couch next to her, picking up the glass of brandy she left for him on the coffee table. Their silent, nothing is said for a while. They both watch the sun setting in the distance through the window looking out at the beach. The silence is claiming, knowing the kids are falling asleep, and they will live to see tomorrow.

“Thank you,” he takes a sip of his drink.” but why the expensive stuff?”

“We need to talk about what my mum said,” the room is silent again, Shepard takes a drink of her wine, she bends over putting her elbows on her knees.”we need to plan, the alliance might need me to go away.”

“Shepard…” he rubs her back slowly to calm her down. “It's not going to come to that.”

“But what if it does Garrus, it's been nine years since I have had any large amount of contact with the alliance, their a wild card right now.” she runs her hands through her hair, undoing the military standard bun her hair is always pulled back into. “And when i go to his meeting, if they ask me to leave earth,” she takes a few deep breaths before looking Garrus right in the eyes. “I don't want you to come with me.”

“Shepard, there's no-” he's interrupted by Shepard.

“I know Garrus, but we have kids, and i don't want them growing up the way i did, i never had a childhood,” she looks down at her palms. “Have i ever told you the story about when i was born.”

“No.”

“When my mother went into labor, she was leading her ship at the same time, I was born during a battle, while my mother was working.” Garrus holds both her hands making her smile. “From the very start of my life I was exposed to violence, i don't want our kids to have the same experiences.” 

“Lamb, come here,” Garrus wraps his arms around Shepard, holding her close to his chest. “You're too good for the universe.” she can feel the rhythm of his heart to her ear. 

They sit there in silence. Garrus holds Shepard in his arms, she can feel the rise and fall of his chest. And weirdly enough, Shepard enjoys the feeling of his plates, it reminds her of growing up on spaceships, and their rock solid mattresses. She finds comfort in him, always had. Besides Tali, Garrus has been a constant, he's always stood next to her through some of the toughest shit she's ever seen.

Yet, Shepard could love nobody more. Even when the admiralty board told her to keep their relationship on the down low, she completely disregarded them. They can go screw themselves if they're going to be xenophobes, or if the galaxy can't handle that Shepard can love whoever she wants. 

With a finished glass of wine and brandy, Shepard takes the two glasses, rinsing them out, and setting them down in the sink. She sits back down next to Garrus resting her head on his shoulder. She can feel his sub vocals purring, even if he denies that it's what they sound like.

After some time has passed, and the sun is setting over the vancouver island, Shepard takes Garrus to bed. She can tell that his eyes are half closed and his poseture has gotten weak within the past few minutes. She pulls him up off the couch, gideon him up the stairs, then sitting him down on the side of their bed. She gets undressed only to put back on an old N7 shirt she's had forever. Garrus had started to undress himself, catching on that its bedtime. 

When he finally finishes undoing the large amount of clasps it requires to wear clothing. By the time he's done changing, Shepard is already laying in bed, sugeled under the blankets, sinking into the impossibly soft mattress. She can feel Garrus getting into bed as the weight is shifted back towards him. Shepard feels his hands wrap around her waist, pulling her back to his chest. She knows he only doses his when he just wants snuggles, or when he's worried about her. 

Shepard falls asleep to slight rise and fall of his chest, and the hum of his sub vocals. 

\---------------------------

The next morning like usual, Sheaprd wakes before the rest of the house. She showers, makes lunches, and coffee for both her and Garrus this time. The morning sun shining in through the windows facing the front of the house greeted her skin with a smile, today is going to be a nice day. 

As the rest of the house wakes up one by one, it becomes more and more busy with last minute things, not wanting to get dressed, and eating breakfast. Both Shepard and Garrus end up taking the kids to school, on their way home they stop to get some sun screen and more turian okay food for solana and Castis. 

“Garrus what time are they getting here?” Shepard asks.

“My sister and dad, Solana said they would be here in time to take the kids to school, so i would guess 7:30,” Garrus responds.

“Nobody in this family is good and telling others what's going on.”

“You could say that twice just to make sure everyone heard you.”

Shepard giggles with a smile, “yeah.” 

Garrus turns the car back down their long drive way through the trees. Shepard gets cardon out of his seat while Garrus starts to pack the grocery bags inside. Shepard puts Cardon down on the floor, he pretty much runs to the box of toys in the corner of the living room, diving in to pull something out. She helps Garrus put away the rest of the food for her in laws. 

“Hey Garrus, have i made you watch ‘Doctor Time’ yet?” Shepard asks him.

“I'm going to say no since i do not recognize it, why?”

“It's another one of those, ‘what humans think aliens look like’ shows.”

“So like star journey and space wars?”

“But british,” Shepard pumps her eyebrows a few times to really emphasize on her wanting to watch it with him. 

“Those are those humans that like to drink tea right?”

“How long have we lived on earth?”

“Well almost ten years… oh, you’re mocking me for my lack of earth knowledge.”

“I am,” Shepard crosses her arms leaning on the counter edge.

“But it's so nice out today,” Garrus waves his hand out to the beach in their backyard. “We could watch ‘Doctor time’ any other day.”

“No, tomorrow well be spending the day with your family. Friday is Niluses parent day and then we drive to vancouver to go see the alliance. We do not have any other day.” 

“Fine, I'll humor you, let's watch one movie.”

“It's actually 50 seasons, but we can watch a few episodes,” Shepard says while getting her special tiny container to ice cream. 

“50 seasons of one show, the ‘fleet and flotilla’ show isn't even that long, how did the writers keep it up for so long?” Garrus moves to sit on one of the couches.

“The show has had many different writers during its run time, it ended about 70 years ago, but i hear it's getting a reboot.”

“Of all 50 seasons?”

“From what I hear, yes,” Shepard joins Garrus on the couch turning on their tv and searching for ‘Doctor time’. “So what season do you what to watch?”

“Is it better to go from the very start?”

“You would get more of the references they make to earlier episodes, but no, it's not needed.”

“What's your favorite season then, lets start there.”

“It's not so much favourite season as it is favorite doctor?”

“What?” 

“Well the show is really divided by each doctor, not each season, because some actors have more seasons then others.”

“Hold on, are there multiple actors?”

“To play the same character, yes,” Shepard looks him right in the eye with the most poker straight face she could muster. 

“Humans have the most amazing ability to confuse me.”

“And you're married to one,” Shepard puts on season 26, leting start from episode one. They watch the show, with Shepard having to explain something every so often. Eventually Garrus decides that it's time to have lunch and go outside. Not complaining, Shepard starts to make lunch for the three of them while Garrus takes Cardon upstairs to change into their swim stuff. 

By the time their back down stairs Shepard has made a small snack for Cardon with a half sandwich, and full sandwich with the second half of Cardons sandwich, and for Garrus a thing that she's pretty sure is supposed to be a sandwich, with the turian equivalent of bread. 

With two of her boys fed, Shepard goes upstairs to find her swimsuit, wherever that went. After a bit of looking around, she eventually finds it on the back of the master bathroom door. Having changed she goes back down stairs to find Garrus sitting across from Cardon at the dining table. She sits down at the head of the table with her sandwich. When Cardon finishes Shepard takes their plates putting them in the sink to be washed.

The three of them with a few towels and floaties, they walk down to the water right out their back door. With each step the sand moves around her feet, sinking deeper till they reach the waterlogged sand. Garrus sets out the towels on the ground and drops the floaties on the sand. Cardon takes his toys digging in the sand making a pile with a piy around it. Shepard watches Garrus help him from her spot on the towel.

She loves how gentle Garrus can be with the kids. And before they even adopted them Garrus was the most nervous about being a dad. Now, all he can do is look after them, make sure they're okay, and keep them happy. She could not have fallen in love with anyone better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i want the reader, (you) to learn about my Shepard as the story goes on, and who she is as a person. but she is based off my first Shepard, which was a 70% paragon 30% renagade playthrough


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY CANADA DAY!!!! i wanted to get this done today since they are in canada, my country. and all the places around where Shepard lives i have actully been. (i live on vancouver island.) the drive to sechelt is only about a day of a billion farries, the perks of living here i supose. im also about to move so there might not be another chapter for a while, have fun!

Chapter 3

Like usual, Shepard is up at the crack of dawn. She showers, then wakes Garrus up to make sure he's awake when Castis and Solana get here. Garrus ends up taking longer to get out of bed than she did, so Shepard makes coffee for the both of them. Not long after Garrus came walking down the stairs yawning with every few steps. 

“Look who's up,” Shepard says with unreasonable awake eyes.

“Shut up,” Garrus rubs his tired eyes while picking up one of the coffee cups 

“I'm not having you sick while your family is here, that's my cup,” Shepard takes the mug from his hand, handing him his.

“Oh, sorry,” Garrus apologies taking the mug from Shepard.

“It's alright, and I mean to ask you, does Nilus usually stay so close to you while you're waiting with the kiddos bags?” she's questions. 

“Nilus, no, he runs off with Avery to the park, why?”

“Well he clung to me when i dropped the kids off on monday.”

“That's not normal.”

“Should we be worried Garrus?”

“It might just be that you were there, and not me.”

“Humm,” Shepard rubs her arm nervously a few times, taking careful beraths. “Are you ready to see solana and castis?”

“As ready as you can be to see family,” he takes another drink of his coffee.

“I'll go make sure the sleeping arrangement is ready for them, although it seems their trip will be cut short by a lot, and someone will sleep on the couch. I feel like a horrible host.”

“My sister doesn't care, she just likes being here,” Garrus takes both his and Shepards cups, putting them in the dishwasher. He turns around to see that Shepard had already gone up stairs to get blankets and make sure the guest room is tidy. He starts to fold loose living room blankets, and make sure the kitchen is clean. 

She comes back down the stairs with a basket of laundry and a large sheet hung over her shoulder. Garrus sits down at the kitchen island running through his emails, nothing important, a few saying his anniversary gift for Shepard is on the way, which will not make it here in time. The one that caught his eye was one from liara saying hi, and just checking in. 

Seeing the emails from liara always makes him smile. it's nice to know that even when he and Shepard are not on board, liara always takes the effort to take a message from tail and joker. He hears Shepard come out from the laundry room, he waves at her gaining her attention. Shepard comes over, just barely leaning over his shoulder.

He shows her the email from liara, Shepard smiles when she's done reading it. She pats Garrus on the back, returning to her busy work. He stands up from his chair making his way up the stairs to the kids rooms. Garrus quietly wakes them up one by one, but letting Cardon sleep till he wakes up. He gets Nilus and Avery to get dressed before coming downstairs.

Garrus makes breakfast for the two kids. Deciding to pull a dad move, Garrus takes the ‘BlastOhs’ cereal out of the cupboard. Shepard prefers the kids to have a breakfast that is anything other than cereal, but sometimes he breaks that rule. Avery and Nilus come down the stairs, they both sit down at the dining table as Garrus comes over with the food. He sets three bowls down, the box of cereal, and a carton of levo milk and the dextro equivalent for himself and Nilus. 

“Really,” Shepard says, passing the table, walking into the kitchen. 

“We have to treat them sometimes, right Nilus?” Garrus asks the little boy, who has his mouth stuffed. Nilus nods. 

Shepard rolls her eyes, making herself some eggs. She pulls out a pan, placing some butter on the bottom, next she grabs a small bowl cracking two eggs in it. She quickly whisks them up, gently pouring them into the pan. She grabs a wooden spatula from the drawer, using it to make the scrambled eggs. Shepard quickly adds peper, pushing the egg around in a circle around the pan. A minute later, they're done. She serves them on a plate, and removes the pan from heat. taking the eggs with her to the table where everyone else is, she sits down.

“Good morning kids,” Shepard says, “did you sleep well?”

“Hmm? Yup, daddy reads good stories,” Avery says.

“Good, today auntie sol will be taking you guys to school today when she and grandpa get here,” Shepard says while standing to take her plate to the kitchen.

“Auntie sol is gonna be here today?” Nilus questions. 

“Yup, pretty soon actually,” Shepard looks at the clock on the wall, 7:20. “So you two better go brush your teeth before she gets here.” 

Both Nilus and Avery run into the bathroom, fighting over who gets to brush first. Garrus takes their bowls to the kitchen where Shepard is. He puts everything in the dishwasher, and puts away the box of cereal. Before they can really get into it, Garrus goes to defuse the bathroom issues. Shepard goes up stairs to wake Cardon up, after all he can't sleep forever. 

Shepard opens the door to his room carefully, she gently rubs her hand on his check making him open his eyes. She picks him up as he wakes up more and more. Shepard sets him down on the edge of his bed sitting up, she goes to his dresser and pulls out some clothing. She helps him get dressed, then takes him down stairs to the dining room to give him food. She pours a bowl of cereal for him having it only be fair.

A few minutes of sitting with him at the table and the kids playing before school, the doorbell rings. Shepard stands from the table going to answer the door. As the door opens she sees the face of her sister in-law standing in front of her. 

Before Shepard can even say anything, she has two kids standing at her feet looking up their aunt smiling. Shepard is happy that her children can have this kind of Happy relationship with their family. She never knew any other family then her mother, and from what she knows her dad died as a doctor during the first contact war.

“Auntie sol!” Avery and Nilus cheer in unison. 

“Hi you guys,” Solana walks inside the house setting her things down by the door. “Now where is your idiot dad?” she asks Nilus and Avery.

“Daddys on the couch,” Avery points to the living room where Garrus has sunk into the couch as much as he can.

“Garrus,” Solana signs, “it's time to say hi to your sister.” 

“Hi,” Garrus sticks his hand up, giving Solana a few waves.

“Get up off the couch lazy bones,” Solana goes to stand over her brother looking down at him.

“No, I'm good, do you have three kids?”

Shepard smiles at the siblings' antics while Avery and Nilus climb up on top of the couch making Garrus be a dad and make sure they don't fall off. Shepard turns her attention to Castis who is walking to the door, she goes and takes a few bags off his hands. She sets the bags down where Solana put hers down. She watches her husband get dragged off the couch by his sister. 

“Castis, do you want to sleep down stairs or up stairs?” shepard asks the older turian.

“I'm alright with either, depending on what Solana choses,” he responds.

“Well can I make you two anything to eat?”

“We ate a little on the way up here Shepard, but i would appreciate a real meal, thank you.” 

“It's not a problem,” Shepard goes to the kitchen, starting to cook some of the turian food they bought yesterday. While she's cooking, she watches her family talk together. When Garrus is talking with his sister and dad he smiles and laughs differently. It's something she's noticed for a while now, and one of the little things he does.

She serves Castis his food at the kitchen island, he says thank you again sitting down to eat. Shepard puts the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. She grabs the kids lunches from the fridge putting them into their backpacks. 

“Garrus time for the kids to go to school,” Shepard says. 

“Oh i'll take them to school,” Solana beamed. “One of you is gonna have to come with me though.” 

“I'll go, lamb can you get everyone settled?” Garrus presses his forehead to hers while moving towards the front door. 

“Yup, not a problem,” Shepard replied. 

“Alright, let's go, kiddos,” Solana picks up their backpacks. “Whose car are we taking?”

“Well take mine, come on Nilus, get off the couch it's time for school,” Garrus suggests.

Nilus drags himself off the couch towards the door where everyone is putting their shoes on. Garrus grabs the car keys from the bowl next to the door and the kids bags. Solana takes the kids to the car, getting them all buckled in. Before he closes the door behind himself, Garrus leans over to Shepard saying goodbye and giving her a kiss. 

Shepard hears the car drive away as she and Castis make their way outside to the back deck. She brings her second cup of coffee out with her. The morning sun says hello to her pale spacer skin as she steps out into the light. The warm early summer sun makes her smile, its warmth glows inside of her. She never regretted choosing to move to the west coast, sechelt is one of her favorite places on all of earth. 

The beautiful coastal sands, the green trees that line the shore, and the mountains behind her. British Columbia is one of prettiest places on earth, they did get that right. She would much rather live here then the big cites, it quiter and easier for the kids. Doesn't hurt that the beach front house they live in is practically paid for by the alliance. 

“So, how have you been Castis?” Shepard asks the older turian.

“Good, i still thank you and Garrus for coming to palaven to help rebuild our family's home.”

“You don't need to, it was a pleasure to get to see where Gare-bear grew up. Palaven is a beautiful planet too, before that I had never been.”

“Not much reason given human-turian relationships.”

“Well me and Garrus sure did prove the rest of the Galaxy wrong.”

“I apologize I was rude when my son first introduced us, I had always assumed he would marry a turian woman, you were unexpected.”

“Like I said eight years ago, it's fine, you don't need to worry about me.”

“Now that quite a bit of time has passed, I'm glad you're the one next to my son Shepard, he cherishes you, and i'm glad.” 

\--------------------------------------

Solana fideles with the radio switching stations for a while till she finds one she likes. This drive is usually so nice, it's not that he hates his sister, just that she can be a real pain in the but sometimes. When she stops and finds a station he thanks the spirits, he didn't know how much more of that he could handle.

The tall fur and pine forest towers over them as they drive along the two lane highway into town. They drive through town to the school. When there they all get out of the car, Garrus carries the kids backpacks as they walk into the front yard to wait for the bell. He and Solana wait up against a short barrier wall, splitting the upper and lower levels of the outdoor space. 

They watch Avery and Nilus run off into the park joining in on whatever game the kids already there are playing. He knows Shepard is right, he doesn't want the kids to grow up on a ship either, But he also doesn't want her to go alone. It's Always been Shepard and Vakarian, he's always helped her get to the places she needs to be to save the galaxy. Why should this time be any different, responsibilities, kids, and a family.

Garrus wonders what life would have been like if they never defeated the reapers, if Cerberus had never brought her back to life and she never saved his damm ass on omega. What life would be like if he had never been there on the peditistrium, if they never had ever met. Garrus wonders if he would still have that god awful job in C-sec, or if he would have moved back to Palaven. 

“So… how have you been since we visited last Garrus?” Solana asks.

“We've been good, till a few days ago, but good, life is a lot simpler than it was once.”

“I bet, saving the galaxy and all, and I should say sorry about pressure to see mom, you had your responsibilities at the time, with the collectors. Still hard to believe my sister in-law is the woman who took down genocidel robots.” 

“Try being married to her, but it's alright, besides at the time I paid for her treatment with cerberus money, better to throw their money at stuff then my own,” Garrus states. “Sorry that sounded bad.”

“I know what you mean, don't worry about it."

"But I am sorry, I was lucky Shepard caught wind of mom, even if it was an invasion of privacy. Im still happy i got to say goodbye.” 

“Me too, i still miss her all the time.”

“How can you not, she would have loved Shepard and the kids.”

“She would," Garrus looks over at Avery and Nilus who are still playing in the park with the other kids.

The bell rings to tell everyone that school is starting. Garrus walks towards the park calling for Avery and Nilus to come get their backpacks. Solana follows them into the school, she watches Avery go down the other hall with smiles on her face. Garrus leads her into a classroom. 

Nilus hangs his backpack up onto the hook with his name above it. She lets Garrus walk away towards the woman she assumes is the teacher. Solana says goodbye to Nilus just as Garrus comes back over. He crouches down wrapping Nilus in his arms telling him to have a good day. They leave the classroom, going back to the car. 

\-------------------------------------

Shepard puts her cup back in the dishwasher, turning it on so everything gets washed. She hears the sound of the car coming down the driveway. Shepard opens the front door to see Garrus and Solana get out, she welcomes both back into the house encouraging them to take their shoes off. 

“Welcome back you two,” Shepard greets them at the door. “Garrus how was Nilus?”

“The usual, nothing weird, so i am thinking it just might have been that you were there,” he responds back.

“I hope it was,” Shepard looks down at where Solana and Castis set their bags down. “Right, Sol, do you want to sleep down here, or in the guest room?” Shepard asks.

“I'll sleep down here, dad can have the real bed, for his old bones,” Solana implied.

“I'll take your bag upstairs dad,” Garrus picks up his dad's single suitcase, carrying it up the stairs to the guest room.

“Right then, when Garrus gets back, we need to talk about some stuff,” Shepard stressed.

“What kinda stuff, is this gonna be bad?” Solana says.

“Solana, i'm sure there is nothing to worry about,” Castis adds.

“Well dad, I wouldn't be so sure,” Garrus sits down on one of the couches Across from his dad, and next to Shepard.

“Ok, so your tip here is going to be cut very short,” Shepard says nervously.

“How short?” Solana questions.

“A day… we're sorry, it's just that Tuesday my mum came and told me that I'm no longer retired, and that I have to report to the alliance admiralty board tomorrow afternoon,” Shepard groned.

“Well thats shity,” Solana says bluntly.

“Tactifly put sol,” Garrus comments. 

“My mum didn't say anything about Garrus going with me, but hopefully he doesn't have to, we don't know what to expect,” Shepard mumbles the last bit.

“Im sorry Shepard, if Garrus does end up going with you, would you like me to take the kids, or even stay here with them?” Castis suggests. 

“You would do that dad?” Garrus says surprised.

“Of course, Shepards mother is a busy woman, Solana has to get back to work on Palaven, I'm retired, I can stay here if you need me too,” Castis says. “Or the kids could come to Palaven with me, might be interesting for them.”

“Dad, are you sure? You would be homeschooling them, they need to keep up in their school work,” Garrus did not doubted his dads ability to take care of children, but he never thought that he would offer to take the kids to Palaven to stay with him if both Shepard and himself are needed by the alliance.

“Of course Garrus, I'm their grandfather, you and Shepard are not the only ones who are concerned for their safety. I'm sure Hannah was just as worried as I am, same goes for Solana,” Castis assured, Solana nods in agreement.

“Thank you Castis, if Garrus is asked to come with me then I would happily take you up on that offer,” Shepard looks at Garrus who has his stressed and worried face on. She rubs her hand on his and smiles softly at him, he nods. “And it seems Garrus agrees, but this is only a last resort, if Garrus doesn't have to come with me then he'll stay here with the kids.”

“I guess we should take them to Vancouver anyway, they will get upset if they find out that the Normandy was here and they didn't get to go on board,” Garrus confessed. 

“They would be, wouldn't they,” Shepard sighs. “Anyway, yeah, life is busy, how's work going for you sol?” Shepard asks.

“Actually i've been saving this for this trip, but i opened my own boutique,” Solana grinned. “With the help of Nyese of course, she's been a huge help in the entire process.”

“Is she helping design the clothing?” Garrus asks.

“We're currently working on a turian-asari-human collection for the store, but until it's finished we carry our first line of turian clothing, and working from home designers can sell their designs in our shop too,” Solana gushed. “Were super excited.”

“That's amazing sol! Congratulations,” Garrus cheers his sister.

“You have to send me some when your done, or send email me and i'll come to Palaven to see you and your store, which reminds me, Castis, Sol since your trip is cut so short, do you want a ride back to Palaven, it's no public cruzer, be you'll be back home faster than any other ship in the galaxy,” Shepard offers.

“Your offering to give me a lift back home on none then the Normandy, how can one say no? Besides Nyese would be happy to see me back earlier then i said, for an asari she sure does want to go full speed,” Solana states. 

Shepard laughs, for the day the four of them spend it catching up telling stories. They go for a walk around noon in the beautiful coastal forests of B.C. Shepard loves the green, the sun shining through the trees, the yellow hue on the moss that covers the forest floor. The few flowers that grow in the underbrush. 

The walk is ended when Garrus tells them that they need to go be at school to pick the kids up soon. Shepard could get lost in the beauty of earth and her forests. Before she retired, Shepard never considered earth home. She knew it's where her birth record says she belongs, but ever since she really started to live here. That's when she came to appreciate her home, she is very lucky to be a human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so much convo this chapter, sorry


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i was gone for so long, didn't have internet for about two weeks. But have fun reading it

Chapter 4

Shepard gets up early again, she showers, gets dressed in her plain black under armor clothing, marked with the N7 logo. then goes downstairs to make coffee. She knows today isn't gonna end with a smile on her face, in fact, Shepard is pretty done with taking care of other people's shit. But she's a Shepard, and Shepards walk into the face of danger with a smile on their faces and head held high. She's gonna need to remind herself to take a few seconds in between to breathe, there is quite the day ahead to themselves. 

She's greeted by Solana, who is up making something for herself. It may not be Garrus, but at least she's not alone in the dim area of the house. Shepard looks out the window facing the ocean while turning on her pot. The sky is gray, and dark clouds paint the bottoms. The perfect weather to go along with what could happen today. The idea that all of this, the beach, the trees, the people, the domestic life, her family. All being taken away on the whims of some higher power. 

Shepard sometimes thinks she was a fool to ignore the alliance, and yet, her working with Cerberus brought her here, for almost an entire decade Shepard had something she never thought she would ever have as a young soldier. The small things, like the view, waking up next to the love of her life and defusing childish disputes. The idea would have sounded crazy to her, but now, she could not be any happier this is how it turned out. 

“Good morning sol,” Shepard says, pouring her coffee into a travel mug.

“I know I’m not my brother, but how do you really feel about the alliance, Shepard? Garrus can handle stuff like this, he's used to sudden change, but you?” Solana asks.

“good morning to you too," she says sarcastically. "To tell you the truth, the entire time I was on the Normandy, I felt myself declining to choose the ‘less good’ option, by the time I had to make the biggest decision in my life, I was pretty done with being the alliances fall, guy,” Shepard pours creamer into her coffee. 

“I can only imagine, you're a pretty special person Shepard,” Solana says kindly.

“Have to be if I'm being called back into action at the age of 41,” Shepard screws the lid to her mug. She then rinses the coffee pot out, putting some coffee on for Garrus.

Shepard walks back upstairs to her bedroom. She shakes Garrus, pulling the blankets down a bit. Satisfied with how much he's shifting around, Shepard takes the bags they packed the previous night downstairs. Each time she breathes, she's reminded of why she's hauling these old footlockers down the stairs. She's going to be leaving her home.

Shepard watches as Garrus walks down the stairs. The turian enters into the kitchen, he takes a mug from the cupboard. Garrus pours himself a cup of coffee from the pot Shepard made. She checks the bags again, making sure everything they need is there. Better be safe than sorry. Shepard looks back at the kitchen where both Garrus and Solana stand. She closes one eye looking at Solana, the one looking at Garrus. Shepard notices that they stand the same, makes her snicker when she sees things like this. And always finds it funny to still be learning so much about him, even after so long living together. 

Taking a peek at her watch, Shepard goes upstairs to get the kids up. She walks into Avery's room first, turning on the lights, then opening the blinds to let the sun in. Shepard can hear Avery groaning as she moves on to Niluses room. Doing the same to him as Avery, she watches the two walk out of their rooms. Shepard enters Cardons room, gently opening the door as she goes in. She slowly opens the curtains so just the white sheer ones cover the windows. Shepard sits down on the edge of his bed, carefully she wakes him up. He rolls over into her leg, opening his eyes. She helps him get dressed, then goes back downstairs.

Shepard enters the kitchen, where Garrus talks quietly to his father while the kids finish eating. Shepard hands Cardon over to Garrus, who barely bats an eye, and just takes the child given to him. Shepard goes upstairs to finish packing the last minute things for the kids. Shirts, pants, and clothing of all kinds that the kids will need. By the time she's done and satisfied with what she's packed, she brings the three bags down the stairs. Shepard tosses them on top of the pile with all the others.

Shepard gets the kids to brush their teeth so she can pack up toiletries. While they brush their teeth, Shepard grabs the cooler bag, packing some light snacks for the trip to Vancouver. Garrus helps her clean up the house, while Castis and Solana pack their bags up, adding to the large pile at the front door. Soon, Shepard has the kids backpacks full of their toys and things for them to do. With everything packed, they begin loading the two cars needed to make the trip.

Solana gets the kids all buckled in, while Garrus and Castis load up all the bags into the cars. Shepard packs up hers and Garrus personal loadouts into their respective cases, nothing can be more special than her beautiful well taken care of guns. Other than her family of course. Securely tucking the two cases, and the cases with their armor in the back of their car, Shepard runs inside to turn off any lights. She stops, staring out the two glass doors that look out to the ocean.

The waves brush against the shoreline in white puffs, the trees surrounding the home sway in the breeze moving the clouds across the sky. The dark clouds become patchy, beams of light pour down to the earth through the gaps. It will be a long time till she sees this view again for real, the place Shepard calls home. She's reminded of that song she likes to listen to, “home is wherever I’m with you,” in this case the “you,” is a tall turian that just wrapped his hands around her waist. 

“I'll miss it,” Shepard says leaning into Garrus.

“Me too,” he rubs circles with his thumb in a working attempt to calm her down. “Don't worry too much Shepard, the kids are staying with my dad on Pavlaen, and when school starts again in the fall, he said he would come here with them. And if I don't end up going, they'll be safe with me. Even if I'm not there, there are bound to be familiar faces on the Normandy, she's home to everyone on board both now and past,” Garrus comforts her.

“This week has felt like a walk down memory lane.”

“Sounds right, we have a lot to think about, you're a very important person in the history of the galaxy Shepard.”

“So are you Garrus, the famous turian that helped commander Shepard stop Saren and sovereign. The turian that followed her into the center of the galaxy to put an end to the collectors. The great Archangel,” Shepard smiles coyly at him.

“You always know how to make someone feel more confident in themselves Shepard.”

“It's part of being a commander,” Shepard watches the ocean from his side. “I love you Garrus Vakarian.” they stand in silence for a minute, looking out to the coastline that for so many years they cherished, valued, and formed memories. This is the place her family will always be, even if she's light years away doing whatever she's told to, this is home. 

“Well I love you more,” Garrus teases. 

“Very funny big guy, come on, we have stuff to do Mr. Vakarian.”

“As you wish Mrs. Vakarian.” Garrus prompts. Shepard grins, shaking her head at him.

==================================

Shepard locks the front door, handing a spare key over to Castis. She gets into the passenger side of the car, she says goodbye to the house as they drive away. On the way into Sechelt, Shepard rolls down her window. The fast-moving wind on her face feels good, combined with the radio Garrus turns on, her and Avery sing along. 

Garrus parks the car a little closer to the school than usual, Castis and Solana not far away. They make their way to the school with all three kids. Bringing with her a set of training vambraces. Garrus gives Cardon to Castis when he and Solana meet them. Shapard and Garrus leaves the kids with Castis and Solana while they go inside to Niluses classroom. They sit down at one of the tables with Niluses name on it. Shepard doesn't know if Garrus notices but she's definitely getting some weird looks from the other parents. Not surprising given they moved to a pretty small community.

“Hi again,” Ms. Newton sits down at the table across from them. “So like we have arranged, you two will be going second, and regarding Nilus, i'm more than happy to send work for him to do to his grandfather.”

“Thank you, Ms. Newton, you might be contacted by an alliance official by the way about him, just asking about you as a teacher, and his level of understanding. It's all information the alliance just has to keep track of in case he ends up on a ship,” Shepard says.

“Right, anything else you two need?” Ms. Newton asks.

“No, we just have to get mentally prepared,” Garrus says.

“Me more than you, I mean I'm strong, but you're a whole foot taller than me Garrus, you're also twice my weight,” Shepard points out. 

“And you're a vanguard, I'm a sniper Shepard, you're trained to fight at close range,” Garrus counters. 

The pair admire the classroom carefully while they wait for the bell to ring. Shepard can tell Garrus is nervous, and the feeling is mutual. It's been a long while since she's been this kind of uneasy. The kind where you know it's going to be fine, but it's what happens after is what makes her nervous. They still have to go to Vancouver to see the admiralty board, as if the day couldn't get any longer.

The bell rings, and the kids come rushing into the classroom, hanging their bags on the hooks along one of the walls. Nilus comes right between Shepard and Garrus, all the little turian can do is smile. Shepard is more than proud to be his mother, to be the person this adorable little boy calls ‘mommy’, makes her very happy. She pulls him into a big hug, Nilus pushes away from her as a reaction, she sighs.

Ms. Newton moves to the front of the class with her datapad in hand, “good morning class,” she says. “And good morning parents, guardians, and family. This morning each adult in the room will be telling you about what they do as work, our first guest is Mr. Fisher,” Ms. Newton moves off to the side of the room.

Mr. Fisher is a tall, well-built man from what Shepard can tell, younger than herself. He's wearing the uniform of a police officer's blues. When Shepard thinks about it, the alliance's formal blues are much better looking. He has bright blonde hair and dark hazel eyes. Very different from her own scarlet red hair, and bright blue eyes. He stands straight as a pole, she thinks for a moment he has better posture then admiral Hackett, but Hackett is old so that's not fair. 

“I’m Paul Fisher, captain of our local police force here in Sechelt, and Ferguses father,” he uses his omi-tool to show an array of pictures. “I lead a few detectives, and I’m in charge of the entire police station,” he takes his hat off passing it around the room. “I wear that hat every day, it's the hat of a captain. I also do a lot of work in the community,” Paul continues.``I go to schools and places in the community to help with events,” he turns off his omi-tool. “Any questions?” Mr. Fisher asks. A few of the kids put up their hands. He points at one of the kids on the far side of the room.

“Do you have a gun?” the kid asks.

“I do, but I did not bring it,” Mr. Fisher responds. He points at another kid holding their hand up.

“Do you solve murders?” the kid is clearly more interested then someone their age should be.

“I leave that to my detectives, but before I was a captain I did solve a few,” Mr. Fisher explains. He points at Nilus who is waving his hand around.

“Are you as cool as my mommy? she's really cool,” Shepard gives Nilus dagger eyes when he finishes talking. Mr. Fisher looks curiously at Shepard and Garrus.

“Who is your mommy? I don't know her?” Mr. Fisher asks Nilus. 

Shepard looks over at Ms. Newton who looks slightly panicked but is obviously waiting to see if it gets out of hand. The feeling in the room is tense, Shepard can't decide if Mr. Fisher is challenging her. Or if she should just stay quiet. Nilus looks at her in the eyes, pleading for her to say something. Except she doesn't want to provoke anything, a fair amount of people are still angry at her about the relays breaking. Even if they're fixed now, and have been for a few years, people still have her for it. She swallows her pride.

“I am,” Shepard stands to a salute. “Commander Shepard, alliance navy, spectre. It's a pleasure to meet you, captain,” she walks up to Mr. Fisher, offering to shake his hand. He takes it hesitantly. 

“You to commander,” 

“Well this is a good time to move on to our next guests, we’ll be going outside for this, so everyone follows me to the field,” Ms. Newton interjects, gaining everyone's attention. Shepard puts on the protective vambraces while everyone starts to leave the classroom. Her and Garrus follow out last.

“Armour, really?” Garrus says to her.

“Your body is armor, besides don't think Hackett will appreciate me showing up with a broken arm.”

“Half your limbs are made of metal,” 

“And whose fault is that?”

“Giant genocidal robots that wanted to purge the galaxy of all life,” Garrus looks at her with a straight face, She rolls her eyes at him. 

Ms. Newton gets everyone to gather in a half-circle, she stands in front of everyone while Shepard and Garrus stand off to the side. Shepard finds Ms. Newton interesting, for such a skinny, and seemingly timid woman, she can control a room when she wants, not very close to herself. except Shepard has mussels, even for someone who doesn't use them a lot anymore. Shepard also finds the dark brown of her hair pretty, same with the green of her eyes. Before she knows it Garrus is tapping Shepard’s shoulder for her to follow. 

They stand in front of a mass of students and parents, watching their every move, if thane or javik were here, they would say that it’s a bad spot to be in, too indefensible and open. Last time Shepard was in front of so many people like this, she was laying in a hospital bed taking a picture with all of her friends who survived the war. Shepard has a copy of that picture hung up in their house, same with the one from when they were on shore leave at the citadel. 

“I'm Garrus Vakarian, reaper specialist, ” he says.

“And I'm commander Shepard, alliance navy, spectre, and Niluses mother," she follows Garrus's lead.

“We are both re-,” Garrus trails off. “We both fought in the Reaper War, and have been fighting them ever since saren.”

“You're probably familiar with my name, Shepard as the news vids have managed to make my last name fairly famous, much to my personal dislike, but we’ll demonstrate what we can.”

“Some close-quarters combat, something Shepard here specializes in, no biotics alright,” Garrus steps away from her. 

“Do you really think I would do that to you, Garrus?” she readies herself.

“Biotics is half your combat style, I've seen you fight,” Garrus blocks Shepards strikes one by one. She takes a step back, Garrus comes at her quickly, Shepard is forced to dig her heels into the ground to take the hit. She's pushed back into the dirt, she makes eye contact, grinning. Eight years ago this might have ended up with both of them in bed. Shepard lets her legs give out, she couches down to the ground, guiding Garrus’s falling body over her head. 

Shepard stands back up on her feet, watching Garrus combat rolls to save himself. They attack each other as if they were dancing, and Shepard is all of a sudden really good at it. Each strike is well placed, and quickly blocked. Shepard is trained for this, she has the endurance, she can tell Garrus is getting tired. Shepard makes her move, she gracefully doges him. On his next punch, she uses his forward momentum to grab on to his arm. Shepard uses all her strength and flips Garrus over her head on to his back in the grass. 

She can hear Nilus and a few other of the kids cheer as she offers Garrus her hand. He happily takes it, she pulls him up and looks over to the crowd. The faces of the adults differ greatly, some are impressed, some are neutral when some are not impressed. while the kids are all pretty excited. The big downside to civilian life is nobody is forced to agree with her, while Shepard made a point to go and talk to the crew on a regular basis and get their input, it was ultimately her hand that made the decision.

“Any questions?” Shepard asks, right away a large number of hands go up. Including some parents. She points a direction hoping only one person will answer. 

“So are you really commander Shepard?” a kid asks.

“Yeah, don’t know who else is around,” other than my clone, though pretty sure she’s dead. Shepard points again in the opposite direction. 

“How big are reapers?” another kid asks.

“Big, a few kilometers tall by my guess, they have huge lasers on them too,” Shepard responds briefly. She points again in a random direction.

“So why did you destroy the mass relays, do you have any idea how many problems that caused for people?” a parent asks her. Shepard was betting this question was going to come up.

“Most of the answer to that question is classified, but what I can tell you is that reapers were a threat to all galactic life. No matter who you were, to them you are nothing. So the result was relays being temporarily not working,” Shepard carefully responds.

“It took years for them to be rebuilt.” the angry parent counters.

“First the relays were not ‘rebuilt’, they were fixed, and everyone knew that it was a priority being that turian and quarian where is the system at the time meaning getting a stable supply of food was a top priority, I may have been in a coma for a few months after, but even I was debriefed on everything that was happening and had happened. The alliance made sure to be transparent about the progress on the relays too. There is no excuse for nobody to know. Now if you’re done, we need to get to Vancouver for a meeting with the alliance, Garrus, Nilus, let’s go, have a nice day,” Shepard walks away with her husband and son to the car. 

Solana is in the park with Avery while Castis watches with cardon. Shepard passes by them without a single thought, Garrus mentions for them to follow. Everyone gets into the cars, Shepard says nothing while she puts away her vambraces back into their case. She says nothing as she buckles the kids up, she says nothing as she gets the cooler bag. She says nothing as they start to drive off.

Getting worried, Garrus holds her hand, attempting to calm her down. He looks over at her. Shepard faces the window, her reflection tells him she's somewhat upset, based on what happened earlier, she's right to be so. It makes him upset that there are people like that in the world, people that push and push till the accused breaks. It's right if they're a criminal, but this, it's not okay. He looks back to check on the kids, they had all fallen asleep already.

"Shepard, people like that are dumb to accuse you like that, you made the right dession for what its worth," he says in a comforting tone.

She sighs, "your opinion is the only one i care about," Shepard holds on tighter to Garrus's hand. "I love you."

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of last chapter was rushed might fix


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop Woop, another chapter! so close to the Normandy I can taste it. have fun!

Chapter 5

The hum of the engine is quiet, Shepard misses the Normandy and shuttles for that reason, the rattle of the Ezzo core could be felt throughout the entire ship. Growing up on ships that feeling became familiar, she remembers her first night on earth during her house arrest. She didn’t sleep that entire night because there was no movement. Shepard wonders how everyone is doing, its been maybe a year since she last saw everyone. Hopefully, Jacob is well with his kids, and Kasumi is still planing crazy heists. 

“Garrus what’s the date?” Shepard asks him.

“Its the 15th, why?” he pauses for a second. “Oh, its the 15th, I guess we should grab some service ice brandy in Vancouver.” 

“Only a few more days till we celebrate the beginning of a new era,” Shepard looks back to make sure the kids are asleep. “Sorry how I behaved, I just hate people like that.”

“It alright lamb, funny to think though that we almost got ten years without us fighting, I’m surprised they lasted this long without their Shepard.”

“There are two Shepards you know, my mum just so happens to be alive. But yeah, the day I destroyed the reapers. I hope the kids don’t try and bring us to school as their social studies projects on the subject.”

“We would be good sources of information, first count.”

“We would also scare the shit out their teachers, ‘here’s my mommy and daddy, they saved the galaxy,’ weird to know our names are in history books.”

“Now that you say it, it’s a little weird.”

Shepard smiles, she enjoys how easy it is for her to talk to Garrus, “nothing can stop this cross-species lesion,” she remembers him saying. He was right, nothing can stop them whether it be in combat or at home. The trees pass by in green and brown blurs, the gray cloud-covered sky hovers over them, threatening to rain. The soft sound of the radio, the faint hum of the engine, Garruses hand on hers, and the kids sleeping in the back seat. The calm before the storm, or as joker would tactfully put it, “the calm before the shit storm.” 

Shepard can admit to herself that she misses being on the Normandy, the stary filled void above her bed. The random things she would collect while helping others. Her collection of model ships and fish she hopes are still alive. It all feels so so far away, yet the picture of it all is so clear in her mind. Near Vancouver the kids start to wake up one by one, they all start to play with their action figures. Shepard calls Castis with her omi-tool to make sure Solana drives to the right place.

They take the highway to exit 195, into the alliance area of the city. The busy roads remind Shepard of what the wards looked like, busy and full of life. You can tell the city has seen war, a fair amount of damage still hangs around. But other then that, the government has done a good job of repairing everything. Shepard tells Garrus where to go, following directions on a map. When both cars are parked, she puts on her sunglasses. Shepard and Garrus leave the kids with Solana and Castis, then tell them to meet back at the cars in an hour or so. 

Shepard and Garrus walk down the street towards a liquor store. They step in, buy the bottle of service ice brandy, some brandy for Garrus, and leave. They walk along the street together looking in windows, Shepard stops at one store for kids. She buys some new clothing for Avery that she thinks will look adorable on her, Garrus thinks she doesn’t need it, but Shepard still buys them anyway. 

“Hey Garrus look at this,” Shepard stops in front of a toy store. “It’s us, did we ever license our faces?” she points at two little action figures in the display window.

“Not that I remember, might have been the alliance.”

“No... that’s illegal Garrus.”

“You’ve never had problems with kinda stuff before lamb, why all of a sudden are you so concerned?”

“One, I don’t remember signing anything related to action figures, two, the scar on yours is on the wrong side of your face.”

“What?” Garrus looks closely at the fake copy of himself. “It is, it’s not nearly as sexy either.”

“That’s what you’re concerned about, you know never mind, let’s go ask who makes them,” the pair step into the store. The walls are covered in boxes and assorted variety of child-friendly entertainment. The VI at the front is like most shop designed ones, blue, with an electrical circuit appearance. “Hi, I would like to ask who makes the commander Shepard and Garrus Vakarian figures?” 

“The commander Shepard and Garrus Vakarian figures are sold as a set, they are produced by Square Enix, would you like to purchase one today?”

“No that will be all thank you,” Shepard leaves the store looking at her omi-tool, she makes a note to look into the problem more later.

“So do you want to go back early or do you want to go buy some new clothing, ill pay,” Garrus smiles at her.

“You mean you’ll pay with my retirement RRSP.”

“We get royalties from the vids too, when they make a movie even containing your name, mine comes along with it.” 

“Fine,” she sighs. “ I could use a new halter neck shirt anyway, have to cover up the mass of scars you’ve given me.”

“You like them, or else why would you keep them.”

“Other than the time I nearly died, yes I do,” Shepard goes into a women’s clothing store. Fashion tends to confuse her, she doesn’t understand the point of wearing something so impractical. The first time she wore a dress was to a party her first squad had when she was twenty. The smell of alcohol, the words of everyone telling her to lighten up, the tight borrowed clothes the only other women in her squad let her wear. The bar had hazy lights, everything was cheap, and tasted bad. But it was the first time she felt the music like that, it was the first time she discovered how bad at dancing she is. But nobody cared, it was a bar filled with drunk soldiers on shore leave, who were way too preoccupied with who they were going to sleep with later. 

Shepard found herself set out among her squad in almost every situation, growing up watching her mother work, she already had an ideal of leadership. The times on shore leave spent in bars were where it came out most. Everyone else had grown up on earth or colonies. She grew up on a space ship, born into the military structure. But when her C.O. died on the field, and nobody knew what do do, Shepard took up the lead. All those days watching her mother by the galaxy map ordering her crew what to do paid off. Not long after, Shepard was quickly climbing the ranks, leaving that squad behind her. But she’ll never forget the people that attempted to show her how to relax. 

Shepard turns in the mirror looking at herself. Happy with the two shirts, and pair of pants shes chosen. They leave the store returning to the car. Sometimes Shepard enjoys reminiscing of her days as a soldier, but some of the memories that can come along with it are not pleasant. Shepard can’t save everyone, by she sure as damm will try. When Castis and Solana return with the kids, they have smiles on their faces, along with what seems to be ice cream. With everyone buckled in, and Shepard feeling a little better, they drive off to the alliance for their meeting at 12. Shepard looks at the clock in the car reading 10:48, which means they’ll have enough time to go say hi to Hannah and talk to Hackett.

They’re stopped at a security checkpoint before they can go into the base. Shepard takes off her sunglasses leaning over towards the driver’s side. The guard is a young man, most likely a new recruit stuck on a bad rotation. Upon seeing Shepard’s face he salutes her, he’s quick to react behavior will only get him so far. She hands Garrus her ID so the guard can look at it.

“No need ma’am, your arrival has been brought to my attention already,” the guard says.

“Well the car behind us are my in-laws, can you let them though, they need to come with me,” Shepard appealed. 

“Yes ma’am, I will assign them a parking spot near yours, you’ll be in spot A57, have a nice day commander Shepard, it's an honor,” they wave goodbye as Garrus takes the car into the underground parking facility. A few spots down Castis and Solana park, getting all the kids out of the car, Shepard quickly tightens her bun. They walk together through the base, last time she was here it was in disarray. Everyone was running around, and she was in a wheelchair. The once half-broken walls now clean and fixed, the view of the city is still beautiful. The blue adored officers walking the halls each steal a look at her as they walk by. Shepard hasn’t been here in eight years, her walking the halls of the alliance's home might be a weird sight. 

They end up in the reception area, Solana and castis stay behind with the kids while Garrus and Shepard go further in, her clarence can only get her inlaws so far. Shepard walks down the hall at a brisk pace, eager to say hello to her mother. An elevator ride and a checkpoint, Shepard is knocking on her mother's door. Hannah tells her to come in, the scent of chai tea and honey fills the air. The breeze coming in through the open window behind the older women at a desk drifts the smell through the door. Hannah’s face lights up at the view of her daughter, she wraps her arms around Shepard with a smile.

“Good to see you to lamb, are the kids here?” Hannah asks.

“Yes, they’re in the lobby with Sol and Castis,” Shepard responds.

“Oh wonderful, it will be nice to see them again, ill be back here by the time you’re done with the admiralty board,” Hannah puts her coat on over her white button-down. Shepard has never really seen her mother in anything other than her blues. 

“I actually need a favor, mum,” Shepard suggests, Hannah looks at her inquisitively. “I need you to clear civilian traffic for whatever ship they decide to put me on, though if it’s not Normandy, I’m gonna complain like a little girl.”

“If you do “complain like a little girl,” it will be one of the few times you have, and I’m assuming it’s for Castis and Sol,” Hannah says, doing up the buttons on her coat. 

“Yeah, figured I could give them a free ride back to pavalen for cutting their trip short, it might be for the kids too, I’m gonna talk to Hackett next, but we don't know if they want Garrus there too,” Shepard sits down on the couch facing the window. 

“So the kids are going to go stay with Sol?” Hannah questions.

“No, my dad,” Garrus chimes in.

“Castis? That’s interesting,” Hannah looks at the floor shaking her head with wide eyes. “Well I'll get that clearance for you, but I need both of you to promise something to me. You will stay safe, lamb, you’re my only daughter, you’ve died once, I’m not losing you again, or Garrus, you're just as much family now. You two have kids to come home too, use that as determination. Our lamb Garrus, make sure you keep her and your self safe, you're both really important to me,” Hannah stands to a salute. “That’s an order soldier.”

“Understood ma’am,” Shepard and Garrus salute her in return. They leave with Hannah giving them hugs. Shepard looks at Garrus lovingly once outside her mother’s office. He returns the look by giving her a few pats on the back. 

Shepard and Garrus go back to the elevators, they ride to one of the higher floors. Garrus follows Shepard, not really sure of where they’re going, but he assumes Admiral Hackett’s office. Looking around them to check there is nobody around, Garrus pulls Shepard off to an outside balcony. She's obviously confused, he pulls her close to a hug. He can feel her sigh under his weight. He admires Shepard for her ability to hold an expression, some humans are not as good at it as she is. He can recognize when she's exhausted, yet others, even her own mother tend to ignore the fact that she is. Garrus acknowledges that he’s one of the few people in the entire galaxy she'll let her guard down around.

Even when Shepard is meant to be having a good time, she’s always making sure everything is going smoothly. The party on the citadel is a fond reminder of that. While everyone else was drinking, talking, and having fun. She was cleaning up, making sure everyone was having fun, and keeping up that guard. She may smile and laugh, but everyone would be surprised by what she’s really like when she's relaxed. Her body language is different, the tone in her voice changes, she becomes more human. Shepard becomes less of what the name “commander Shepard,” carries with it. She pushes herself for the benefit of others, he's pretty sure she slept only a few hours every two days when they were on the Cerberus Normandy.

Shepard looks up at him, she puts her hand on his mandible. She mouths out a few words from what Garrus can tell are ‘thank you,’ Shepard steps away from him. They go back inside, she leads him down the hallway again. Shepard walks through an empty door frame. Inside is a small couch, and a human man sitting at a desk. He's looking intently at the computer screen in front of him, not noticing Shepard and Garrus.

“Hello, is Admiral Hackett in, I would like to speak to him,”: Shepard asks.

“You have to make an appointment to see the admiral, and how did you ev-,” he looks up from the screen to Shepard’s face. “Co-commander Shepard, I’m sorry, ill get the Admiral for you,” he presses a button on his omi-tool, holding it up to his face. “Admiral, commander Shepard is here to speak to you,” it’s silent for a moment. “You can go in commander, have a nice day.”

Shepard and Garrus walk through the door into Hackett’s office. The back window is lined with one massive window like Hannahs, except the space is larger, and it has a perfect view of the spaceport. The huge silver desk that spans a good chunk of the room and Hackett stands behind it. His back is turned to Shepard and Garrus, he quietly watches an array of blue halo screens with various names of ships on each one. The screens show information on each ship, telling Hackett where they are, what they're doing, and whos they're the captain. 

"Commander Shepard, good to see you’re still in one piece," Hackett says still looking at holo screens.

"You too sir," Shepard salutes him.

"It’s good you brought Mr. Vakarian, I believe rear admiral Shepard purposefully lacked to inform Mr. Vakarian to be here," Hackett asks.

"Sorry to interject, but shouldn't someone who purposely doesn't listen to their superiors, be demoted?" Garrus mentions. 

"Tell that to your wife," Hackett responds. Shepard smiles.

“Sorry to say sir, but I’m not that bad am I?” she asks.

“Shepard, you dont get the star of terra for doing everything you’re asked, along with every other highest military honor you received from every other species in the galaxy for ultimately being the reason the repairs where defeated. Dont forget the award we had to create because the star of terra wasn’t good enough,” Hackett sits down at his desk. “You’re too much like your mother sometimes.”

“I-, its good to see you too admiral,” Shepard admits.

“Shepard, talk to me like you used to,” Hackett smiles at her. “I’ve known you your entire life, no reason to be shy all of a sudden. So, what do you need commander? I’m busy.”

“It was really just about Garrus, but I guess we got the answer to that question, and to say hi, well be going now, nice to see you, sir,” Shepard salutes Admiral Hackett one last time before she and Garrus leave the room in a hurry. 

It had been a long time since Shepard had seen Admiral Hackett. The last time she saw him was when her mother dredged him along with her to the make up wedding ceremony. Hannah, Solana, and Liara planed it after being angry about Shepard and Garrus not having a formal ceremony, It was an interesting mix of both turian and human culture. Shepard remembers the dress Hannah and Solana made her wear, the lace bodice covered in flowers and tiny leaf designs all in white to symbolize her being human. The open back showing off her N7 tattoo, and the skirt, oh the skirt. It was layered with light fabric, all colored in white. Shepard did love wearing that dress, the heals not so much, but she felt so feminine. Which is not something Shepard often has the opportunity too.

“Shepard,” Garrus shakes her shoulders. “Your spacing out.”

“Sorry,” she shakes him off, stepping onto the elevator. “Lost in thought.”

“So is there a story between you and Hackett that I dont know about?” Garrus presses the button for the lobby floor.

“Have I never told you about my mum and Hackett? They were in a squad together for a long time for what I understand. They became friends, which lasted even when Hackett got promoted before her,” Shepard and Garrus walk off the elevator back into the lobby. They find the kids sitting outside with Castis and Solana in the grass. 

Avery and Nilus are playing tag with Solana, while Castis sits with cardon reading him a book with his omi-tool. Nilus notices Shepard and Garrus first, he runs up to Garrus hugging on to his legs. Shepard loves to see the kids react to them like this. The look of excitement on their faces, she hopes for them to never go through, or see what she did as a child. Avery is next to run and hug Garrus, she hits Solana on the leg, then charges at Garrus. The two of them are wrapped around each of Garrus's legs, he looks at Shepard clearly bragging. Garrus walks around the grass area with Avery and Nilus attached to his legs, Garrus dramatically swings his legs around as the kids laugh and giggle. 

Shepard sits down next to Castis, cardon crawls over his lap to hers. Shepard holds her arms around cardon, hugging the little krogen tightly to her chest. Shell miss the kids while they’re on palaven. Shepard made sure she wouldn’t be as dissent as her mother was when she was a kid. Hannah wasn’t present, and it’s not like they didn’t spend time together. But Hannah spent a lot of her time in the CIC, away from Shepard. Being on a ship known as the captain’s daughter, Shepard knew pretty much the entire crew and the entire ship. That’s how she got her biotics at a young age. 

“So you were telling me about your mom and Hackett?” Garrus continues as he sits down next to Shepard.

“Yeah, just give me a second,” Shepard stand up. She walks over to where Nilus and Avery play with Solana. “So wheres my hug?” Shepard tries to catch Nilus, but he doges out of her arms. “Oi, you get over here!” She goes in for the dive again, this time catching him.

“Hey! Go get Avery! Let me go!” Nilus laughs. Shepard spins in a circle, kissing the crest of his head. She puts him down looking at Avery. Avery runs around a tree in the hopes of losing her mother. Except Shepard is faster. 

“No, no , no!” Avery cries as Shepard picks her up. Admitting defeat, Avery stops squirming around in an attempt to escape Shepard’s arms. Shepard hugs the living daylights out of Avery, then puts her back down on the ground. Happy with her hugs, Shepard sits back down next to Garrus on the grass. 

“so my mum and admiral Hackett, when my mum became a captain, I remember Hackett visiting her ship whenever they crossed routes. So being that they were already pretty close, my mum introduced me to Hackett as a toddler. I have old memories from when I was still a little kid with him in them, he was also the one who discovered I had biotics after I was exposed to element zero as a kid,” Shepard explains. “So I’ve known Hackett nearly my entire life, not much more to it, if you asked my mum she could give you a better explanation.”

“I had no idea,” Garrus responds. 

“Most people dont, it’s not exactly common knowledge that Hackett was the closest thing I had to a father figure after he saved my life,” Shepard looks at Nilus and Avery who are playing some game with their aunt and grandfather. 

“He saved your life?” Garrus questions.

“Mum did a large part of her service while I was a kid aboard the SSV Einstein. Apparently a huge crew pirates nearby figured out that we had stopped to refuel and where transporting Hackett, and element zero to Arcturus station, was probably an inside job. My mother panicked when they bored going into full command mode, she got Hackett to take me and hide. The pirates where wining till they found me and Hackett. He did everything he could to protect me, I think I was 10 when this happened. I had grown pretty close to him as a person and admired the work he did. So when Hackett got shot protecting me, you better bet your ass all that accidental element zero exposure I got in trouble for got angry as I did.

“I had no idea what I was doing, but I flung my had forward and sent the pirate flying back into the wall. He died on impact. Hackett knew what I just had done, and we used my biotics, which at the time I had no idea were powerful, to take back my mum’s ship. It was the first time I had killed someone, glad I learned to value life.” 

“So commander Shepard was a badass ever since her beginning,” Garrus says. “How did a turian like me, get a girl like you,” he says pressing his forehead to hers.

“Friendship, trust, and having the amazing ability to make her dance.”

Garrus shakes his head at her while watching the kids play. He takes Shepard’s hand, pulling her up on her feet with him. They join the game of tag the kids, Castis, and Solana play together. Avey tags cardon, so Shepard picks him up in her arms chasing everyone around. Shepard forgets shes at the alliance base, she forgets about the hearing in a few minutes. Cardon roars as he and Shepard run at Garrus, who acts like he got hit by a bullet when he gets tagged. Switching targets, Garrus goes after his sister, then anyone who gets near him. Shepard smiles as she puts cardon back on the ground, she only just doges as Nilus tries to tag her. She coyly smiles at Garrus. Shepard charges at Garrus just as Nilus is about to get her. 

They all laugh as Nilus looks at his mother with a shocked face. While Shepard is hanging off of Garrus, while he struggles to get a good hold on her. Shepard drops to the ground, sticking her tongue out at Nilus, who is very determined to catch his mother now. Nilus chasses Shepard till he gives up, falling into the grass in exhaustion. Garrus comes up behind him, whispering something to Nilus. Garrus picks Nilus up, together they rally Avery and cardon. The four of them run at Shepard, putting her in a corner. They attack Shepard by tagging, then with hugs and tickles. Shepard is pinned to the ground by Garrus and the kids on top of her. She’s laughing and smiling while trying to get up, she wraps her arms around Avery pulling her to the ground with her. 

“Commander Shepard,” a young woman dressed in alliance blues interrupts them. “The admiralty board is ready to see you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I designed Shepards wedding dress, there is a full-color version of it here <https://imgur.com/gallery/wXrIrhO> and yes I drew quite a bit, have yet to get good at turins tho


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so about Sheps back story, I'm aware it big canon divergence, but I wanted her to feel more like her own character. and I don't know about anybody else, but Hackett seemed to have a soft spot for shep, I mean in me2, him personally coming to debrief shep is not normal and taking the time to tell shep that their mother is proud of them, little suspicious. a huge wall of convo ahead (comments are welcome) enjoy.

Chapter 6

Shepard swallows. She’s about to face the admiralty board, not the first time, but it never seems to end well. The last time Shepard talked to all of them in the same room, the reapers attacked. This time, they are personally as a group, which is rare. Going to give her a mission. It’s not something that happens every day. Shepard picks herself up of the grass, dusting any blades that came with her off. 

“Right then, ready Garrus?’ Shepard asks him.

“Yes, dad, Sol, do you mind?” Garrus says as he dusts the grass off cardon.

“Of course Garrus, what else are we here for,” Solana says to him.

“You make it sound like Shepard and I are bad parents,” Garrus jokes.

“Garrus, impatient group of important people,” Shepard waves her hands towards the young women who came to get them. “We have to go.”

“Right, we’ll be back, see you soon kids,” Garrus waves as he is practically dragged away by Shepard following the uniformed officer back into the building.

They walk at a brisk pace through the base, up an elevator, then down a fairly long hallway. Shepard takes slow breaths the closer they get to the board room. She can take down anything you put in front of her. But toss Shepard into conversation with either very important people, or news reporters, and she gets stuck. She can offer words of confidence and makes good friends with her crew. But when not in a situation dealing with combat and the safety of her soldiers, she just can’t talk the same. Better to default to military talk, no disobedience. After all, shes Commander Shepard, you dont get so far without listening then adding a little spice to the pot.

The young woman opens the door to the board room. Similar to Hackett’s office, the tall floor to ceiling windows cover the back wall. the room hasn’t changed much in design to when Shepard was called for a conference on the reapers. That single day brought together all the hard work she had done fighting sovereign, seren, and the collectors. Nobody wanted to believe her, but everyone knew that Shepard was right. That something beyond their understanding was on the way to kill them all. She gave them five years to prepare, five damm years. Yet nothing happened, and when they were forced to acknowledge the reapers, it was already too late. 

The board sits high in their seats looking down at her. The high admirals never got along with Shepard, she valued her soldier’s life over the objective at times too much. But it kept people safe, which means more to her than getting the job done. Shepard recognizes two of the admirals, Hackett, and admiral Micheal E. Hammer. The other three though, are complete wild cards. She knows Hackett is on her side, he always has been, Hammer was usually skeptical of Shepard’s actions and didn’t seem to like her much. But the guys, she has no idea about. Shepard and Garrus stand like sitting ducks. unknow to the words they are going to say, The task that is going to be given to them. 

“Good afternoon commander L-” Hammer starts before he is interrupted by Shepard.

“I apologize sir, but if you could not say my first name, I would greatly appreciate it,” Shepard says. Hammer raises an eyebrow at her.

“Commander, Shepard, we are sure you want a reason for you being pulled out of your retirement, along with your,” Hammer pauses for a second. “Husband to be called with you. Before you receive those answers, the admirals would like to induce themselves to you, you already know Admiral Hackett and me.”

“I’m Admiral Yoshimura Mamoru, Admiral of the fourth fleet,” he says, the man is Japanese, and has dark black hair under his hat. And his voice is a smooth silky tone. 

“I’m Admiral Ania Frolova, Admiral of the second fleet,” she states. She has a thick Russian accent even with a UT. her skin is a gorgeous dark tone, while dark hair, with blonde highlights, is tightly tucked into a bun just sticking out of her hat.

“I’m Admiral Halim Ali, Admiral of the third fleet, It a pleasure to meet you, Commander,” he says. He’s the oldest out of the three new Admirals, he has short gray hair and dark blue eyes. 

“So with the introductions out of the way, we can get to your mission,” Admiral Hammer continues. “We have received some suspicious reports from a select few of the outer colonies about bizarre recruitment posters for a personal militia. Based on the fact that it’s only happening in human colonies, we believe it might be the work of the elusive man.” 

“Cerberus,” Shepard says quietly.

“Since it could potently be Cerberus, we needed someone with experience in dealing with the elusive man,” Admiral Frolova speaks. “Someone good with walking into the unknown, someone with enough strength to take down the reapers. Someone exactly like you commander Shepard.”

“If I may ask,” Garrus interjects. Hackett nods at him. “Why nobody else, Shepard and I have been retired for nearly a decade, and there must be someone else in the alliance who can match Shepard.”

“Due to the Commanders very unique service record and experiences, no other solider in the alliance has her benchmark of capability and experience of dealing with Cerberus,” Admiral Forlova responds, “so we would like you, Commander Shepard to investigate these mysterious advertisements, and determine whether or not they are conceded to Cerberus and the elusive man.” 

“If they are not connected to Cerberus, then find out who or what they are from, and where the people that do sign up go,” Admiral Hammer finishes.

“For this mission commander, you’ll be given the Normandy and her full crew to assess the problem. Any resources that any of the Admiral can provide are at your disposal, as long as you have a valid reason for using them. You will be given a set of teammates or allies, their dossiers will be on your computer when you arrive on the Normandy. They are all people both new and old who have agreed to help you,” Admiral Hackett says.

“As for your children, you can either have them placed under the alliances care for the duration of your service, or if you any family, they can be placed in thor care. We will be keeping track of them since they have been registered as alliance children,” Admiral Mamoru says. “And regarding Mr. Vakarian, since you are also a citizen of Palaven we also had to ask the hierarchy for permission of your deployment with the commander, they agreed with hesitant enthusiasm. So what is your mission commander?”

“Board the Normandy, investigate the possible Cerberus thereat, and if not Cerberus, find out who or what is recruiting human colonists as soldiers for some type of militia,” Shepard says obediently. 

“Dr. T’soni will be waiting for you in the lobby commander,” Hackett says. “One more thing commander, your being promoted to captain of the SR-2 Normandy, congratulations.”

“Thank you, sir,” Shepard nearly stumbles over her own words in surprise. “Admirals,” Shepard salutes to them before she leaves. 

Shepard and Garrus leave the boardroom holding their breaths, that went better then she thought it would. Shepard continues back down towards the lobby. She knew the elusive man might have survived the reaper war. but to think he would get started again so soon, and if he is, what is he up too? What does he want, the reapers are destroyed. Any piece of still functioning reaper tech is the council authority. The galaxy is at a very peaceful time, everyone is working together to rebuild homeworlds. Nobody is left behind, if the elusive man wants to disrupt all this peace, then Shepard won’t have it. 

The doors of the elevator ding open, Shepard forgot what it was like to see the normal people walk around, the regular soldiers that hold the line, the ones who walk the ground. Being a commander, Shepard still has the joy of fighting alongside her team. She often wonders what her mother was like in combat, maybe one day shell asks the old women to spar, maybe one day. Shepard looks across the lobby, and standing right by the door is Shepards blue Asari bestie. 

Without words said, Shepard, runs up to Liara. Shepard wraps Liara into a hug, she happily aspects the commander’s embrace. It’s been a long time since Shepard has seen Liara in the flesh. To get to see one of her most valued friends again is starting to make all these unfortunate events worth it. Liara still dresses the same, the white coat with all the purple details. Shepard always thought it to suit her, the slight feel of a scientist from it all, even if she’s an information broker with the highest title. The comforting sound of her voice fills Shepard’s ears.

“Its good to see you Shepard,” Liara giggles.

“You to Liara, I’ve missed you,” Shepard back away.

“Between being on the Normandy, and working as you know who, I dont have a lot of time to come to visit you and Garrus, I apologize, Shepard,” Liara says. 

“Its alright Liara, its great to see you, though the circumstances are not the best.” 

“That’s very true, I wish times could be better, I know very little of exactly what’s going on, but if they called you back into action…”

“I’ll fill you in on the Normandy,” Shepard pats Liara’s shoulder.

“How have you been Garrus?” Liara asks him.

“Good, mixed feeling about the mission, but the alliance only expects the best from Shepard and her team, so you better still be able to fight T’soni, you are getting pretty old,” Garrus teases.

“Your going to regret that Garrus, and I’m 120, by Asari time I’m still very young. So I’d be more concerned about our middle-aged captain,” Liara smirks at Shepard.

“Very funny Liara, come on, let’s get the kids and your family Garrus. Are you gonna get a ride with us to the spaceport Liara? We could give you a lift if you need,” Shepard walks outside where the little grass patch is. 

“That would be apprenticed, thank you,” Liara responds. 

Shepard calls for the kids when they see Liara, they all hug her at her knee-waist level. Liara smiles at them around her legs holding her still. Shepard tells Castis that he will have to look after the kids while she and Garrus are away while they walk back to their cars. He insists on it not being an inconvenience. Shepard buckles the kids up, they split so its Shepard, Garrus, and the kids in one car. Then Castis, Solana, and Liara in the other. Liara insisted that they will have more time to catch up on the Normandy. 

They drive through the city again, this time towards the spaceport. As Garrus turns the car up onto the highway leading to the spaceport, Shepard can see the sun in the sky through the clouds. Maybe the day will keep getting better even if the cause for Shepard seeing her closest friends is not fantastic. Just as Garrus drives off the highway exit for the spaceport, Shepard can see the Normandy. Her blues are a more welcome sight then she thought it was going to be. The beautiful elegant shape of her body, clean smooth lines, and the alliance symbol on the exterior after the huge black lettering spelling “Normandy.” 

They stop just outside the entrance, regular civilian vehicles aren’t allowed past the security checkpoint, so they’ll have to go on foot from here. Shepard makes an attempt to show the guard at the gate her Id again but is stoped and let in before she can say anything. She thinks to herself about how well her clones plan would have worked, all these people are either very confident in their knowing it’s her, or the alliance has recruited a bunch of idiots. They get a lift from one of the empty transports going in the same direction as the Normandy with all their bags. 

They all get off the truck and walk the rest of the way. Shepard could not be happier to see a ship, in white print on the side of one of the thrusters spells “SR-2.” the second Normandy to ever sail the galaxy, and the longest to stay alive. Shepard has spent very little time on the SR-2, but its the exact same as the remodeled SR-2, besides a few upgrades here and there, nothing has changed. As they walk up the bearding ramp Shepard drags her hand along the outside of the ship, she even feels the same. Nilus and Avery run-up to the top of the ramp then back down to Shepard and Garrus, then back up to the top with cardon trying to keep up. 

The doors slide open, the familiar airlock opens through to the CIC. Shepard never thought she would actually be back here, standing in the Normandy. The ship made of legends in the alliance, the ship that carried the great Commander Shepard across the galaxy. The ship that became the peaceful ground between the turians and krogen. The most well know frigate in the entire galaxy, the Normandy and her crew of legends. The solid metal click of heels can be heard on the floor approaching Shepard, who is holding back her urge to cry.

“Welcome on board captain Shepard,” EDI walks out of the bridge.

“Its good to be back EDI,” Shepard smiles noticing an alliance officer symbol on her chest. “You’re a soldier now EDI?” 

“I am, after the SR-2s crash, Hacket found out I am not a V.I. he assessed my dedication to the ship, Jeff and Liara vouched for me, but I think it was when he found out I can be near the entire crew and control much of the Normandy systems that he decided to make me a special officer.” 

“Well congratulations EDI,” Garrus says. “Shepard, I’m gonna go take our stuff to your cabin, ill find you.”

“Yup, ill be around,” Shepard says as Garrus walks away with their footlockers and the kid’s bags.

“I can show your in-laws to their place for the night, I’ve already been informed of our civilian passengers by rear Admiral Shepard, so please right this way,” EDI mentions for castis and Solana to follow her. Shepard is left to the bridge with three kids. Shepard wanders into the bridge, joker is sitting at the helm ready to take off.

“So how have you been joker?” Shepard asks him.

“Oh I’ve been great, captain,” Joker turns his chair around lifting his eyebrows at her. Shepard rolls her eyes. “How are the kids though, Nilus, Avery, come give your uncle joker a gentle high five,” Joker holds his hand out to them, They carefully give him a high five each.

“Alright, the two of you can go explore, but remember, no touching anything, you got that,” Shepard emphasizes to the kids. 

“Yes mummy,” they say in unison with puppy dog eyes, Shepard is weak to the puppy dog eyes. She smiles at them, the pair run into the CIC off to where ever there going to go. 

“EDI, keep an eye on those two, lock anything they do try to touch,” Shepard asks.

“Of course Shepard,” EDI responds.

“I dont think I could be a parent captain, nor did I ever think you would be a good mom,” Joker says as Shepard picks up Cardon to hold him in her arms.

“It was something Garrus suggested actually, before the final push to the citadel, he told me that when we were done saving the galaxy, that we should retire somewhere tropical, and “find out what turian-human children look like,” biology is not on our side in that battle. Gezze I remember it like it was yesterday.” 

“Go figure, the turian bad boy wanted to have kids, well I owe Vaga if we see him,” Joker turns back around to face the Normandy flight controls. “By the way captain, you should meet the girl’s current commanding officer, you’ll get a kick out of who it is.” the doors of the elevator to the other areas of the ship can be heard opening from the bridge. The loud thump of boats gives a commanding presence to whomever they belong to. “Speak of the devil captain, there he is, go say hi.”

Shepard rolls her eyes at joker again, turning around. She missed his antics and stubble insubordination. Its what him the pilot though, like how chakwas will always be the doctor even if she’s not with them anymore, her spirit lives on in the Normandy and the crew’s hearts. Or how Adams and Tali will be the engineers who know the engine the best. The crew of the Normandy holds a special place in Shepard’s heart, one that’s not so easy to take away, one like family.

Shepard crosses into the CIC with Cardon in her arms, she looks across the room to the galaxy map. Standing behind it is a man, large build, dark black hair. The slight stubble on the chin, and a strong facial structure. Hazel eyes, and full lips. Shepard sees none other than major Kaidan Alenko. He stands proud up there at the lead of the ship. Shepard is proud of how far he’s come since Eden Prime, to watch you of her colleague’s career arrive so far is a blessing. Her eyes lock with his, for a second Shepard thinks he surprised. That face quickly turns bitter. 

“Captain Shepard,” Kaidan steps down from the galaxy map. “Welcome on board the Normandy,” he salutes her. “it been a while.”

“Major,” Shepard salutes him in return.”Sure has, last time I saw you were my make-up wedding, its good to see you Kaidan.”

“You too captain.”

“So was I the last one to know about my promotion or something?” Shepard can hear Joker laughing from the bridge. “Hold my kid for me Kaidan, and cover his ears,” Shepard hands Cardon to Kaidan, who covers both ears. Shepard walks up to the end of the CIC. “screw you Joker!” She yells at him.

“Your becoming like jack Captain,” Joker teases.

“Shut your bloody f-”

\---------------------------------------------------------

Garrus steps inside Shepard’s cabin, it been a long time since he’s been in here. He’s never spent a large amount of time in here, other than when Shepard was here with him. The window above the bed is still there, and the dark clouds are starting to clear. Her collection of models is still here too, along with some of the things she chose to leave behind, all but her fish. It looks as if nobody has been in her cabin in ages, not since Shepard left. Nobody else thing occupy the space, just hers. 

Garrus drops the bag on the couch, he turns on some music to listen to and puts away their things. He leaves the kid’s bags packed up on the floor ageist the wall. The first stop will be palaven anyways, no point in opening them up. Garrus sits down on the edge of the bed, he drags one of his hands down his face. This is all happening so suddenly, having to leave their home in a rush with little time to say goodbye. This would be one of those weird moments Shepard would cry, not because she’s sad or happy, but because she doesn’t understand how to feel. That seems to be right for the situation.

Most of it hasn’t processed yet, the getting of a new mission, him having to go with her, being back on the Normandy, and being far far away from his kids. When Garrus mentioned the idea of kids to Shepard, she was totally on board but was right about biology. He didn’t think he would ever start a family, he’s happy it was with Shepard. Nobody in the whole galaxy could make him happier, so he’ll do everything he can to make sure her happiness isn’t taken away either. Shepard has endured more then some of the toughest soldiers in the galaxy, if anyone deserves to be left alone, it’s her. 

Garrus wanders back down to the CIC, check to see if she’s still there. He presses the button for the elevator when the door opens, all he can hear is the voice of his wife yelling swears at Joker, who just keeps laughing at her. 

\---------------------------------------------

“Ass hole!” Shepard says to Joker. “You guys all totally knew before I did!”

“Yeah,” Joker laughs. “Careful Captain, I’m gonna break something if I laugh more.” 

“Is that a challenge Joker?” Shepard flicks Jokers’ head. 

“God no, I would be a fool to take you on Captain,” she flicks him again, Joker cowers in his chair, hands held over his head.

“Well I’m still not done with you,” before Shepard can flick Joker again, shes stopped by Garrus. He grabs a hold of her wrists, taking away her means of destruction.

“No more of that Shepard, Joker is just trying to do his job,” Garrus says.

“The entire crew knew I was promoted before I knew Garrus, just one more please,” Shepard pleads. 

“No,” Garrus leans in close to her ear whispering. “besides, you’ll need to save some of that anger for me.”

“Fine,” Shepard says flustered, her face almost as red as her hair. “I’ll behave, im going to find the kids, maybe get some food in them,” Shepard wanders away from the bridge. 

“Well shit Garrus, how did you get a pissed off Capyton Shepard to cool off?” Joker asks.

“Easy when you can hold her hands over her head,” Garrus says walking away from Joker, following Shepard.

Joker laughs in his head about what Garrus had just said for a few minutes. He sits silently for a second, then realizes what Garrus meant. “Well shit,” Joker says. “Shepards got a kink,” Joker laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, get to see more angry shep from here on out, fun times :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been writing this chapter for a while now, not my usual "oh its been a while ill write near the entire thing in 12 hours without stoping then take a break" self. sorry for all the talking again I promise the plot moves forward, I welcome feedback, and enjoy.

Chapter 7

Holding Cardon in her arms Shepard walks to the elevator. Garrus always seems to have the power to calm her down, the perks of being around him for so long. As Shepard steps in the elevator, Kaidan follows her in. Shepard decided to leave him behind when he asked to come on the Normandy. She knew that his fate was elsewhere, its not everyone’s destiny to be on the Normandy. Kaidan was already on track to somewhere else, somewhere she knows he’ll succeed. Besides, Shepard wanted to keep her crew small. If something that happens ends up killing everyone, and she survives, she would never be able to forgive herself. 

“I would like to speak to you captain, as soon as your available,” Kaidan says. Shepard presses the button for her cabin.

“Of course, I'll notify you when I’m available,” Shepard steps out of the elevator. She nods at Kaidan as the doors close.

Shepard enters her cabin for the first time in a long time. The first thing she sees is her fish tank. Shepard goes and places a hand on the glass tank, cardon copies her smiling. She’ll have to get new fish for the tank. She heads to her desk, all the models in their glass cases are still there, displayed without any dust to see. She sets Cardon down on the end of the bed and looks up. The window above her bed shows the cloudy sky, even if its a structure weakness, Shepard does love to look at the stars when falling asleep. 

The memories in this room alone are enough to make her tear, a lot of important life events happened to Shepard on this ship. Shes meet near all her best friend while on the Normandy, it a special feeling to be gone for so long, and be welcomed back with open arms. Shepard collapses into the bed, falling on her back. Shepard didn’t think she would miss the Normandy this much, but being back on the ship has made her nostalgic. Shepard looks at Cardon whos patting the comforter repeatedly, she smiles at him. Shepard picks up Cardon over her head, sticking her tongue out at him. He frowns at her, wanting to go down. 

She puts him back down on the bed, rolling over on her side to get a better look at him. Shepard could not love any of her children more in the entire universe, she knows having to leave them on palaven is going to be hard. Shepard holds Cardon’s cheek in the palm of her hand. He stands up, very proud of himself when he gets up on his feet. Cardon crawls over Shepard’s shoulder, rolling over into the pillows behind her. Shepard looks over her shoulder to see Cardon, she wraps her arms around him. Shepard holds the little krogen to her chest, she kisses the top of his head. 

“I hope your saving some of those kisses for me,” Garrus says walking into the room with Nilus and Avery. 

“Mummy?” Nilus asks. “Are you okay?” he climbs up on to the bed sitting next to Shepard looking up at her. Shepard sits up next to him, still holding Cardon in her arms.

“Why are you asking?” Shepard looks curiously at Nilus. 

“Your eyes are red,” the little turian states. Shepard looks at Garrus who sat down on the couch, he shrugs at her. Shepard sets down Cardon on the bed next to her, Avery hops up on the bed next to Cardon. 

“That’s just because I’m a little sad,” Shepard sighs. “But more importantly, I’m happy that I have my favourite people in the entire galaxy right here with me, in one of my favourite places in the galaxy,” Shepard hugs all three of them, rocking back and forth. “awww, I love you guys!” 

The door to Shepard’s cabin opens after a swift knock, Standing in the frame is Solana and Castis. They both take a hesitant step inside towards Shepard and Garrus.

“Sorry, the door just, it just,” Solana starts but becomes lost for words.

“Dont worry about it,” Shepard says. “EDI has a tendency to be a little invasive into personal matters, but she knows when to not intervene, right EDI?” 

“Yes, Shepard,” EDIs disembodied voice replies.

“Right,” Solana trails off. “Well EDI is very nice to show us where to sleep if needed, but are we leaving soon?” she asks.

“I’ll get on that, we dont leave port till I tell joker to leave the dock, time to get back into work mode,” Shepard stands up from the bed and dives into the closet, pulling her new uniform out of its carefully folded state. Shepard goes into the bathroom, quickly changing into her new uniform. Before she leaves, Shepard tightens her bun, then steps out towards the door. She kisses each of her kids then turns to Garrus. 

“You look good in blue Shepard, you should wear it more often,” he says jokingly. 

“Yeah yeah big guy, cool your beans,” Shepard responds.

“I still dont understand human slang.”

“Take care of the kids, ill be back eventually, and I better not find you in the main battery doing you know what,” Shepard does up the chain on her coat connecting from her chest to shoulder. “Love you,” Shepard says quietly, kissing Garrus scared mandible. 

Shepard takes stride just like the old days. She stops at joker first, telling him to start preflight checks and to get takeoff authorization. next, she walks right up to the galaxy map, wraps her hands around the rail, holding on tightly, she can feel the start of the engine. Shepard waits a few seconds, closes her eyes, and takes a breath. This is always how it started, with Shepard giving an order at the galaxy map. She carefully arches her back, cracking her neck. Even if her eyes aren’t open she knows a few of the CIC crew are looking at her curiously. To be fair, it has been long many years since Shepard has stepped foot on the Normandy. 

Shepard counts the minutes she stays standing silent. After having spent so much time in a sickbed heavy life support, wheelchair, then crutches, Shepard learned to breathe. She never understood what people meant by ‘just take a second to take it all in’, but after spending just over half a year in a bed, she finally knew what it meant. To stop and look outside, to take in the sounds around her, and close her eyes and feel everything around herself. The view of ruined earth out her window made everything feel so far away. 

She can tell people are nervous, Shepard has been standing silent for over 15 minutes now. Her eyes focus on the spinning of the galaxy map, the spinning galaxy highlighting all the relays. From the outside, the colours of the map can be seen in her eyes. The purple and blues shine bright in her eyes, and all the stars are reflected making them shine. Shepard lets go of the rail, stepping away from the map. Shepard looks over at Joker down in the bridge, he gives her 

“EDI, put me through the ship, I’m ready to address the crews,” Shepard says.

“You’re on to the ship captain Shepard,” Shepard sighs at the title, shell never gets used to it. 

“Good morning everyone,” Shepard says. “My voice might be an odd noise to the older crew members that have been on board for a long time, but to new soldiers, my being on the Normandy might be a legend. We have been given the task of investigating the recruitment posters for a militia of some kind on human settlements. Whether or not this could be more then we think, I dont know, but I do know that I have an amazing crew to back me. I would have never gotten as far as I did if I never had this ship, thank you. So, Normandy, you’re Shepard is home,“ Shepard steps down from the Galaxy map. She sighs, perhaps not her best speech, but not the worst.

She looks through the CIC, some of the older crew members from her days give her a few cheers and clapping of hands. She can hear joker in the bridge yelling wild encouragement. Shepard bows dramatically towards everyone. She heads up to joker on the bridge, double-checking with him that the ship has been cleared for takeoff. He gives her a thumbs-up as EDI comes to join them. Shepard watches as joker drives the Normandy out of the spaceport, and towards the sky. 

Shepard admires the skyline of Vancouver as they ascend to the atmosphere. The white and blue glass buildings, covered in green space towers over the city’s historic foundation. The skyline quickly disappears below them. The fade of the blue sky as they enter space turns to a black sky dotted in white stars. The eternal abyss of space, somehow, its a comfort to Shepard to see it again. So close, wanting to touch it, to stand and feel how it carries her away without any effort. It’s a weird feeling to be so attracted to something that has taken her life away and will do so again without hesitation.

Her feet carry her back to the Galaxy map, setting a course for palaven. Shepard grips on to the rail again as joker gets the Normandy up to speed, shes used to it, yet not. Shepard can feel something about the Normandy drive core is different, she adds it to the list of things to do. Shepard heads back for the elevator, time to check in with everyone, meet the new crew members. Before she can press the button, Shepard is called.

“Captian Shepard,” the person says, Shepard turns around to see who has called her. “Im Taz Bellings ma’am, I’ve been assigned as your assistant and communications specialist. Just so you know, I prefer they/them,” Taz salutes Shepard, she nods at Taz smiling.

“I’ll make sure to remember that specialist Belling,” Shepard assures. 

“Tyrenor would like to send her apologies for not being able to join you Captian, I know her, she would have loved to be here, but her work in the lab at the current moment takes priority.”

“I guess I should send her an email then, im pleased to work with you specialist Belling,” Shepard turns back to the elevator stopping for a moment. She changes directions for the war room, passing through the security scanner, then on to the main room. Shepard forgot how crowded it is, though most frigate sized ships, dont have a war room on them. 

The whole room is empty, it has no use at the moment due to their being no wars. Shepard sits down on one of the steps, she stares at the circle hologram screen in the middle of the room. The blue hazy light illuminates everything around it, she watches each communications terminal silently. The sounds of distress call coming through them fill her ears. The memories she has of this place aren’t all pleasant, but most are positive. Shepard stands back up, tucking any loose hair behind her ears. 

She gathers herself together, cant have the legendary commander, no, Captain Shepard looking nervous in front of her crew. Shepard rolls her shoulders back, taking in a deep breath. She walks quickly back into the CIC towards the elevator again, this time not stoped by Taz. Shepard goes down to the cargo bay to meet the shuttle pilot. When the doors open, its all the same as it was before, except for two things. Gaga’s little corner isn’t there anymore, and right behind it is the M-44 Hammerhead. Shepard smiles wildly when she sees it, good to know it or the plans survived the reaper attack. 

“Good to see you commander, or should I say captain now,” a familiar voice says to her. Shepard turns to see the friendly face of Steve Cortez.

“Nice to hear ‘commander’ for a change, Are still the shuttle pilot Cortez?” Shepard says offering her hand to shake, he takes it happily.

“You better bet Captain, you’ll be happy to know that bolto is still here, the little mech is somewhere around here,” Cortez looks down the hanger towards the end. 

“Bolto is still around?” Shepard questions excitedly. “Where is the little mech,” Shepard crouches down a bit and claps her hands. “Come here bolto, come here.”

“Shepard? Wasn’t this visit suppose to be about catching up with me?”

“Priorities Cortez, priorities,” Shepard gets back up to her feet sighing. “Well, we can talk over food sometime, I should go,” she points with her thumb over her shoulder towards the elevator. 

“See ya later Shepard,” Cortez waves Shepard goodbye as the elevator doors close. 

Shepard press the button for the next floor, she goes and talks to Adams, who is another welcome sight. They chat for a few minutes, Shepard asks about the drive core. She learns that it was replaced when the Normandy was in for the last major refit. Turns out that it now even more powerful then it should be for a frigate sized ship, the alliance just really likes to keep it strong. Shepard continues to do her rounds as time passes, she meets the new doctor, Dr. Lucian Mallory.

Her first impression of the man is good, he’s a fairly average height for a human. His hair is golden blonde, and his skin is fair. His features can be described as classically handsome as fictional standards go, if Shepard wasn’t already married and this was 12 years ago before she meet Garrus, she just might have slept with him. She leaves Dr. Mallory’s office without a second thought, not bothering to say hi to Liara again just yet, Shepard heads back on up to the bridge.

Joker tells her that the relay is only about 1 and a half hours or so out, then another 2 hours to palaven. Shepard decides to forget about her duties as Captian for the moment, if she only has another four hours till she won’t see her kids for an unknown amount of time, then she’s gonna spend it with them. Shepard heads right for her cabin, her mind fighting with the thought of having to leave them behind. She’s become so attached to them, and them to her. And the ‘jazzed’ email she’s gonna get from the adoption agency when the alliance informs them, she can’t wait. 

Shepard walks into her cabin lost in thought, her actions on autopilot. Shes stopped pouring fish food into the tank when Garrus grabs onto her hand. Shepard looks up at him, her eyes widen, she hasn’t asked how he feels. All of a sudden she feels like an absolute ass, she never asked her husband how he feels about all of this. It was in her vows to take care of him, yet here she is leaving her family like an asshole, and going to work. Shepard tends for things to hit her in the face like a brick after a long run. Its sucks.

“Sorry,” she takes her hand off the button to feed the non-existent fish. “I came back so we could spend some time together with the kids before they stay with your dad, I was thinking a vid.”

“A vid!” Avery says excitedly, she drops her doll and runs up to Shepard from where she was playing with Solana. “Can we watch ‘Blasto 10: Blasto saves the Galaxy’ Jenny was talking about how good it was, please can we watch it,” Avery pleads.

“Avery, sweetpea, I think Blasto is off the table,” Garrus goes and pats Averys back looking at Shepard. Her eyes scowl while her lips frown.

“I want to watch Blasto too!” Nilus adds. “We never get to see any Blasto movies!”

“That’s because the recent ones are just a rip off of your mother’s service history kids,” Castis says leaning in from his chair. “If you want to watch those movies, just ask your mother about it, she’ll be able to tell you exactly what happened.” 

“Yeah but dad, Blasto is so much better, you get to watch him take down bag guys instead of listening to Shepard talk,” Solana debates. 

“Blasto! Blasto!” Nilus and Avery chat in unison. Shepard shakes her head.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Shepard says covering her face with the palm of her hand. 

“Come on mommy!” Avery pulls at the leg of shepherds pants. “Please can we watch Blasto.”

“How about daddy,” Nilus turns to Garrus. “We only need one more vote daddy, break free of mummies influence and come with us!” he says. Shepard nearly loses it, she crunches her stomach, bending over trying to hold back her laughter.

“Where in spirits name did you learn to talk like that Nilus?” Garrus asks. 

“From Alex, he says it comes on all the time on his mommy show, but can we please watch Blasto,” Nilus says.

“Im on whatever side your mum chooses you guys, so you’re going to have to convince her,” Garrus puts up his hands in surrender. 

“Mummy, can we please watch Blasto,” Avery begs. Shepard looks at the two kids at her feet giving her puppy dog eyes.

“Urg,” Shepard grunts. “Fine,” the kid’s cheer. running on to the bed, jumping up and down. “Castis, Sol, are you two going to stay and watch the movie with us?”

“That’s alright Shepard, well leave you to your family, dad will have the kids for a while im guessing. So we’ll have plenty of time to see them,” Solana responds as she and Castis go back to the elevator. 

Shepard changes into her N7 hoodie, which is something shes kept with her for all these years. You may be able to take her crew, her guns, or her life, but you cant take the spirit of an N7 soldier. She crawls into bed, having to hold down Nilus and Avery to get them to stop bouncing, Garrus joins them with Cardon. They get snuggled under the blankets, Shepard and Garrus on the outside, with all three kids tucked in between them. Shepard gets EDI to turn on the vidscreen in her cabin. It covers the glass window from the office area to the main room. 

She hates the Blasto movies ever since they started ripping off her own service record. Though it does make Shepard feel recognized for her actions in a way, perhaps not a good way, but away. Halfway through the movie, Shepard looks over at Garrus. He’s somehow fallen asleep with Cardon during one of the most action-packed movies, the gunfire never stops. NIius and Avery can help but cheer when Blasto takes a reaper troop down, at least she can see them happy. 

Shepard snuggles under the blanket, even more, pulling Nilus and Avery closer into her arms. They both squirm a little, but Nilus gives in. after some time he rests his head on her chest getting tired. Shepard holds on to Avery’s hand, rubbing her thumb across the face of her daughter’s little hand. She smiles softly, she’ll really miss them. Shepard takes a sharp breath in to hold back the tears. Out of this entire situation, there is one thing Shepard knows is and will be true. She’s gonna cry when they say goodbye.

\------------------------

He runs down the hallway, his shoes click on the smooth floor with each step. His hands hold the old camera from jumping around. His brown hair moves in front of his face as he continues to run down the hallway, nearly tripping over his own feet. He pushes into an office, nearly being stoped by the assistant at the desk. He continues on to the next room, a tall woman sits at a huge desk made of glass. 

Her features are soft and elegant, her skin pales like snow. Long straight blonde hair falls past her shoulders to her hip. Eyes as clear as a diamond, and blue as Zircon. Shes dressed in nothing but pure, clean, and immaculately white. her coat falls crisply off her shoulders, and the pants suit underneath flatters her hourglass figure. Her outfit hugs her in all the right places and highlights her large breasts, the curve of her waist, and her small delicate shoulders. The image of a perfect woman, her posture is as perfect as a forever preserved porcelain doll. He stares at her in all her inhuman beauty, she’s visual the definition of a perfect human being. He can hear fuzzy words being said but just continues to ogle her. 

“Hey!” she yells. “You’ve been standing there like an idiot, you come barging into my office, so what the fuck do you want!” she stands from the desk walking right up to him. 

“I-um,” he stumbles over his words. On the walls of the office are vid screens showing all the galactic news stations, they cover the white-tiled walls, gleaming in all their glory. “I have something you’ll want to see Miss Hollman,” he pulls the neck strap over his head, flipping through the photos. “I was at the spaceport on a tour today, and I saw something you’ll want to see.” 

“What could you have seen that’s so important for me to see,” she folds her arms across her chest, giving him a doubtful look.

“Commander Shepard Miss.” 

“Commander Shepard?” her eyes go wide. “At the spaceport, hurry up and show me,” She yanks the camera from the boy’s hands. Her lips form into a grin as she looks at the photo. It shows Shepard holding her hand to the side of the Normandy looking at the sky. Shepard’s red hair can be clearly seen in the picture and is ideally eyecatching. 

The perfect story after so many years, nobody knew where she went after she left that hospital on crutches. She just vanished off the face of the earth, she may have a superpower at her back, but nobody can just disappear. If commander Shepard is on the Normandy, that means something is going on, something big. She came out of whatever hole she crawled into to hide, just to go back to service. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, and the alliance can deny her not actively serving with photo evidence. She grins wildly at her picture, the biggest story in years, and shell be the one to have it. 

“Miss Hollman? Are you alright?” he asks.

“Miss Hollman?” she looks at the young boy. “Please, call me by first name, Mallory. After all, you have brought me the story of the year young man, now leave.” 

“Ah, mis-, Mallory, my camera,” he says as Mallory assistant pushes the young boy out of the room. 

“I'll keep it safe for you,” she sits back down at her desk in silent thought. 

The legendary commander Shepard, she went missing soon after the alliance officially stated that she survived the fall to earth with the citadel, and is projected to make a full recovery. The world watch as she walked out of that hospital, all interested to see the face of the galaxies savour. Many of her comrades all said the say thing, that they honour her achievements, and that she has ‘a reaper kill count nobody will ever match.’ A percentage of the population calls her actions blasphemy and condemns her for the destruction of all civilization. As a journalist and tv host though, Mallory has to remain impartial to all opinions. With the return of commander Shepard, maybe there might be good news. If she runs this story, it will definitely cause a stir, its exactly what she wants. 

If she asks for an interview, maybe shell gets an answer to some of the most activated questions people have for her. Mallory sits looking out the window, the perfect opportunity to cause some drama. She turns her computer on, quickly writes a few emails, then grabs her bag and heads for the door. She's gonna need a camera drone and a microphone, so the first stop is gear check out. Mallory gets everything she needs and hits the streets. Nobody is going to take this story from her, it's the chance of a lifetime. The reporter assigned to Shepard after the war didn't push and dig enough, but this time, shell make no mistake. If commander Shepard doesn't leave her studio crying or very angry, she didn't do her job right.

Her pure white clothing flows behind her as her heels click to the floor with every step. She's perfect and she knows it, so commander Shepard better watch out, cause there will be more then just the hell of Mallory Holmen raining down on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shepards a good mom, and you cant change my mind.


	8. goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well look at that, I posted something, told you it would be erratic. anyway, finally some plot, enjoy.

Chapter 8: goodbye

“Remember dad, Avery has to wear her enviro-suit when going outside,” Garrus finishes buckling the bit of Avery’s suit, sealing it off. “Unless you want to buy her something else.” 

The airlock to the dock opens with a hiss, lay beyond his eyes is Garruses home planet, Palaven. The harsh angled buildings skyline are not far in the distance. Garrus follows behind Shepard and the family, watching her walk down the ramp holding cardon in one hand and Nilus in the other. Avery makes an effort to pull her and her brother’s suitcase down the ramp while also keeping up with everyone. He enjoys the sight of them like this, hid friend, trusted ally, lover, bond-mate, wife, whatever title he gives her, shes his Shepard.

If Shepard had never tracked him down on the citadel, he would have never met her. If he never went back to c-sec after Shepard’s death, would he have ever become ‘archangel’ and met her again. Would he ever had become so comfortable in her presence that he would talk about his time during the military, if he didn’t that would have never sparked her to ask him to ‘sleep with her’ in human terms. Garrus would have never thought he would both be able to trust and love the same person so much. In the past, it would be watching her work, watching her walk across the crew deck, the sway of her hips in her steps. The picture of what her hair looked like out of its bun, and her laugh. She always thinks of others before herself, nothing is more important than the people around her.

So he asks himself “when did you start seeing her like this?” the answer was a long time ago. Garrus respected her before he had even meet Shepard. Her accomplishments during the blitz where well talked about in c-sec at the time, protecting her entire squad from slavers on Elysium. When he meet her for the first time on the presidium, the first thing that stood out was her hair, her beautiful and neatly done red hair. He thought it was an honour to even stand in front of her let alone talk to her when she came seeking him out, that blew his mind. Then she accepted his request to join her in taking seren down, nothing could make him more excited, finally, all those barriers that c-sec had where gone, he gets to work alongside the first human spectre. Now shes holding his kid’s hands walking with his sister and dad, talking as if she didn’t give everything to save the entire galaxy. His Shepard.

He continues to listen to them as they make their way to the skycar lot on the other side of the spaceport. Shepard lectures Castis and Solana about the importance of school for Nilus and Avery, different extranet resources if Castis needs any help with helping them, and food the kids like to eat. Garrus’ eyes wander to the skyline, the capital city of Cipritine. The steel buildings shine silver in the close sun’s light, compared to earth, its all so harsh. Behind it, he can see the forests, all so green, yet Garrus knows it’s only a park, blocking the maze of homes from view. When they get to the other side of the spaceport, Solanas’s work partner Nyese is waving her hand in the air at them. 

“Solana!” Nyese calls from her skycar. She has a bright voice, her body is a beautiful blue, and the markings on her face are all around her eyes coloured in a stark white. “Good to see you back,” her attention is all on Solana looking at her smiling. 

“My vacation was cut short, but I’m back so well get to finish those designs sooner I guess, have you met my brother Nyese?” Solana asks her.

“I don’t think I have,” Nyese turns to Garrus. “Oh, yes we have, It nice to see you again Garrus.”

“ you too Nyese, Solana talks a lot about you,” Garrus responds. 

“Only good things I hope!” Nyese she laughs. “And you must be commander Shepard when I heard from Sol that her brother became bonded with the women who saved the galaxy I couldn’t believe it.”

“You better believe it, and please don’t mention the whole ‘saved the galaxy’ thing, I would say I was just doing my job, but people get angry at me for that namely Garrus,” Shepard says.

“And who are these little guys, I’m guessing your Nilus,” she points at him. Nilus looks at her, his head to the side. “And your Cardon,” she boops the little krogans’ nose. “So that means your Avery,” she smiles at Avery. “It’s nice to put a face to names, well let’s get you guys back home, I have car seats for the kids like you asked, and the keys for your car Sol,” Nyese hands Solana her keys.

“Thanks, well let’s get you all home,” Solana says. 

Castis and Garrus take Solanas car and half of the bags, along with all the kids, while Shepard and Solana go in Nyese’s car with the other half of the bags. Nyese follows Castis out of the parking lot on to the skyway. Garrus watches in the review mirror on the passenger side of the car seeing Shepard in her seat. To distract himself he turns on the radio in hopes of something good. Get the thoughts out of his head about having to leave their kids behind on palaven. It’s not a pleasant thought. 

Not having the kids around all the time now is going to be an interesting experience, more time for just him and Shepard. Except Garrus knows he’s going to miss their arguments, playing helicopter, and taking them to school. He’s going to miss the sounds of their laughter when cheering them up after they get sad or angry. And especially going to miss when they ask for a bedtime story. He’s going to miss everything about them and being a father. 

===================================

Shepard listens to the radio in silence while Nyese and Solana talk about their shop, Something about predicted sales or something. While they do that, she admires Palaven’s landscape, its an interesting planet, her under armour suit provides radiation protection, so all she has to wear for her head is her N7 helmet, which is not bad, all things considered. The thin forests below the skyway are coloured a much brighter green then the vegetation on earth, its a colour you can’t forget. Its as if an artist decided to use the brighter more neon colours of nature and the greenery and flora. She finds it oddly comforting in a unique way, after staying here for a month while helping with the Vakarian household home, it’s familiar. 

“So Shepard,” Nyese hints. “Whats Garrus like in bed?”

Shepard can’t believe her ears, she feels verbally assaulted by the question. Nobody has the right to that information other than herself. “Sorry,” Shepard scoffs. “But I’m not telling you.”

“Come on Nyese, I know you’re interested in my brother, but please don’t ask my sister-in-law that, I don’t want to know either,” Solana lets go of the sterling wheel putting the car in auto mode. 

“Give me a break Sol, can’t a girl be curious.”

“Yes, but not about my baby brother to his wife, sorry, just please don’t,” Solana leans back in her chair.

“This is a bit of a heads up Nyese to be nice, but if anyone in any way attempts to hurt, cause harm, or touch my bondmate, I will not hesitate to step in,” Shepard states.

“I bit possessive are you commander?” Nyese says, obviously doubting Shepard’s words.

“I can assure you miss Nyese, my partner will do the same for me,” Shepard smirks at Nyese. “Except if it’s me, he’ll probably have his rifle pointed at your head.” 

Shepard clearly spooked Nyese by the gulp she can see slide down her neck. The conversion reminds Shepard of the time she and Garrus went out on the citadel. She had taken Tail with her to go get some drinks with Garrus not knowing that she knew he followed her. After one or two drinks this human guy came up behind her spinning the stool around to face him. He was wearing full armour except for his helmet of some type of headgear, definitely to impress the ladies. He asks her what she doing here at the bar alone, which she was obviously not, as tali were sitting right next to her. So she responded with “sorry but my professional turian sniper boyfriend is above us.” and a red dot landed on his forehead. She and tali laughed about it the entire way back to the Normandy, that was a good night.

She watches Solana and Nyese carefully from the back seat as they take the turn for Castis place. They descend into the forest, still following the road up a hill. The drive continues till they turn down a small stone driveway leading to a beautiful old home looking off a cliff. Shepard gets out of the car after Nyese and Solana, the home was rebuilt to new architecture while preserving the layout of the original home. Its something Shepard wished she had as a little girl, listening to Garrus remember his childhood while they were here made her happy to know he had a place to come home to after the war was over. She remembers what he said when she asked him if he was happy to be home. His exact words were “I’ve been home ever since I meet you, Shepard, I just didn’t know it at first.” she always giggles when he says cheesy stuff like that, but its very in character for his personality. 

The suitcases get brought inside after Castis unlocked the front door. The huge windows lining the entire back wall have a gorgeous view of the city far away, the tall ceilings in the living area, the modern kitchen to her left, and a corridor to her right leading to the bedrooms and bathroom. Shepard looks at the kids who have bounded into the home, they drop their backpacks by the door running down the hallway. Shepard wanders down the hallway following the kids, she looks through one of the bedroom doors where they went. Avery helps Cardon up on to the bed where Nilus is jumping up and down. She stands leaning ageist the door frame for a second, watching them mess up the neatly made bed. When Nilus notices Shepard, he gets down from the bed and pulls on Shepards hard, leading her towards the messy bed. 

She climbs up after Nilus, the soft bed sinks beneath her feet, nearly falling over into Nilus. The three of them, Aver, Shepard and Nilus hold hands in a circle around Cardon. The smiles and giggles grow bigger and louder with each bounce as they sing “ring around the Rosey” together, They fall into the bed as the blanket poofs up around them. Shepard looks over at her children laughing up a storm. she smiles at their antics, they’ve caught her way of dealing with uncomfortable problems, ignore it till it punches you in the face. Shepard sits up on the edge of the bed, mentioning for Nilus and Avery to come to sit with her. She lids Cardon up over her head, and on to her lap. 

“So, I hate to ruin the mod,” Shepard says.

“ you always ruin the mod mummy,” Avery interrupts. 

“Thank you, Avery, but no, we do need to talk about me and Daddy leaving, you guys know what we are doing right?”

“Mmm, yup,” Nilus says a little disappointed. “Can we keep playing?”

“No, your Mom is right Nilus, we do need to talk about this,” Garrus walks into the room, sitting down Next to Nilus. 

“Your going to go save the Galaxy again, and you’ll crash into the bad guy’s place and beat him with your biotics, save the day, then give Daddy a big kiss,” Avery says hopefully. “Just like in the vids,” she stutters. “Right mummy, then you’ll come home and give me Cardon, and Nilus all big hugs, right mummy?” Avery holds on to Shepard’s hand tightly.

Garrus and Shepard look at each other. They both know that there’s always a chance that one of them might not make it back, worst case is if they both don’t make it back. Garrus rests his hand on her back, Shepard sighs, knowing she has to say something. “sweetpea, there’s a chance me and Daddy won’t come back.”

“But you will right?” Nilus says. “You have too, you saved the entire galaxy, you have to come back!”

“I will do my best to make sure your Daddy stays safe, I love him just as much as I and daddy love you guys,” Shepard wraps her hands around Nilus and Avery, pulling them into a hug. “Which means we’ll both do everything we can to come back home to you guys.”

“Can you promise?” Avery asks. 

“We,” Shepard and Garrus both hesitate, again looking to each other for an answer. 

“Cant sweetpea, we want nothing more than to come home safe and snuggle on the couch,” Garrus consoles. 

“Come on,” Shepard swallows. “we need to go” everyone gets off from the side of the bed following her back to the front door. Castis, Nyese, and Solana are already waiting for them, a cab parked outside. 

“Daddy loves you guys, so come here,” Garrus crouches on the floor, warping the three kids in his arms. Shepard can hear the weep of his sub-vocals, knowing Castis and Solana can hear them too. “Do you have all the toys you brought, forgot nothing on the Normandy?” he checks.

“We have everything Daddy, it’s okay,” Nilus says, his mandibles fluttering sadly at his father. 

“Mummy next,” Shepard says opening her arms for a hug. They move from Garrus to Shepard with sad smiles on their faces. “When we get back, we’ll go swimming in the ocean, watch movies all day long, and eat all the ice cream you can handle, okay?” Tears pour from Shepard’s eyes, she holds them tightly closed in an attempt to prevent them from streaming down her already wet cheeks. 

Garrus quickly joins them in the hug, holding on to Shepard’s hip with one hand, and carrying Cardon with the other. The soft cry of Niluses and Garrus sub-vocals call out to Shepard and Avery. The family lets go, Shepard kisses the top of theirs heads each, the tears continue to roll down her face and drop on to her shirt. She wants nothing more than to wake up and for this to all be a painful dream, for Garrus to hold her in her arms and the kids to come and sleep in their bed. To read them a story to put their minds at ease so they can sleep, it hurts, and she’s finally ready to tell herself it does. 

“I love all of you, promise you’ll think of me and Daddy while we’re gone,” Shepard asks them.

“We promise mummy,” Avery says giving Shepard one last quick hug. “Goodbye,” she and Nilus look up at them as they step out of the door. The tears running down her eyes make Shepard cry even more. The sound of Garruses sub-vocals cry fills her ears with the background of ‘goodbyes’ as the cab drives away. She leans into his shoulder, closing her eyes. 

“Goodbye,” Shepard whispers with the last of her tears falling from her eyes. “Goodbye.”

==========================

Garrus watches the street pass by, they haven’t said anything to each other since they left his dad’s house other than deciding to get some ingredients to make a nice meal for the crew. She lays with her head on his shoulder, staring at the floor of the cab. As the trees go from next to them, to under them Cipritine comes into view. The road quickly becomes busier as they grow closer to the city. The bright light of the close sun makes all the metal buildings gleam. The driverless cab pulls off the skyway, and into a part of the city. The streets are lined with trees and grass below them, people fill the sidewalks carrying bags with fancy logos on them. 

The cab pulls into a parking lot where it takes a minute to find a spot. Garrus urges Shepard to get up, she follows him into the fairly small store. He can hear her heartbeat, it’s loud and fast, every bump only making her handshake more. Ever since they stepped foot in the store she has been like this, at first he thought it was the pain of leaving the kids behind, he can relate to her on that, it hurts a lot. But this id different, she always has been good at hiding how she feels when she wants to, so why is she so shaky. He grabs on to her hand pulling her off to the side of the sauce aisle.

“Shepard what’s wrong?” he asks her.

“Somethings not right Garrus, I can feel it.” 

“In your gut,” she nods at him in agreement. He watches Shepard pick a sauce off the shelf placing it in the basket he has slung on his left arm. They continue to collect the ingredients for their dish, he notices how she watches carefully everyone around them, counting something on her fingers. 

Her attention snaps to the front door, a group of armed men come storming into the store, guns facing at anyone who makes a peep. Garrus looks at Shepard from the corner of his eye, she nods at him, telling him to listen to the armed men, mostly human, one salarian, and one turian. They are hauled off the back section of the fairly small store, where all the other civilians are brought. The bindings around Garrus's wrists are weak but strong enough that anyone would hear them snap. Its when he realizes what she was counting, the number of civilians in the store. In the distance, they can hear people yelling to someone, what seems to be some augment about money.

=====================

“Garrus,” Shepard whispers to him. “I’m gonna do something you hate, these guys are rash and trigger happy if whoever is yelling gets any angrier.”

“What do you need me to do?” 

“This is why I love you, honey, I need you to use the knife on my leg to cut the bindings. Role up the leg of my pant the best you can, its not far up, mid-calf.” Garrus as quietly as he can roles the bottom of Shepard pant leg up. He presses on the handle of the small blade made of titanium like the rest of her prosthetics. Shepard tucks her hands under her sweeter as Garrus moves to sit behind her, the knife slices through the bindings with ease, but it makes a small snapping noise largely muffled by her sweeter and the close proximity of Garrus to her back.

She stands up, careful not to cause any attention from the new merch placed as the hostage’s guard. Shepard doesn’t recognize the symbol they wear on their uniform, but she can tell this person is new to the line of merc work. With that in mind, she decides to unsure nobody dies, only to knock them out. She approaches the guard from behind, quickly and precisely hitting them in the side of the head with her prosthetic arm. She catches the guards body, gently laying them down on the ground. Garrus comes over with his cut binding and Shepard to tie the guard up. 

“The one time I don’t add my fucking, sorry, omi-blade mod, and this happens?” She looks at Garrus, eyebrows knit together, she sighs. “I’m coma- captain Shepard, and no one here is getting hurt on my watch, you can count on me and my partner Garrus to defuse the situation.”

“Your commander Shepard?” an older Asari asks as Shepard cuts the bindings from their wrists. “Shouldn’t you be retired dear living the rest of your life in comfort on some beach in the warm sun, not here still doing your job!” she states. Shepard couldn’t agree more, yet her mouth had to stay shut, very few people knew about her mission, its all to be kept a secret. 

Shepard and Garrus cut all the bindings off the civilians, telling them to stay put and go nowhere. They step out, crouching in the shelves, her attention is drawn to what she assumes is the manager’s office. A human sniper sits with her eye trained on the butcher’s area, occasionally scanning the room. If the sniper is mainly watching a certain area that’s where Shepard and Garrus wan to go, but first thing first, that sniper needs to go if they’ll have any chance of making it close. She nods her head in the direction of the sniper, Garrus picks up on what she’s saying, and follows her quietly through the store avoiding the sight of the sniper. They switch spots, Garrus leads up the stairs opening the door gently. 

She follows his easy steps up the stairs. The door into the office is already open, they peer inside seeing the sniper on their knees looking outside the window looking down on the whole store. Garrus sneaks up behind them, choking them out, gently setting them down on them on the floor. Shepard comes in, picking up the radio signal the mercs are using, patching it into her omi-tool. The Orange holographic wristwatch tells no tales, absolute com silence. They can see the mercs out the window, in the butchers on the far side of the store. Shepard counts six people in total, four regular armoured men, all human, one big guy, also human, covered in big armour and that same square symbol from earlier, and one victim. They go back down the stairs, starting an approach to the butchers. As they crawl tactfully along the shelves and displays, the turian military calls from outside the store.

"We have the store sounded, exit the building with your hands up!" someone from outside calls through a voice amplifier of some kind.

Shepard curses herself, this was exactly what she was trying to avoid. The official police only making things messy if not on her side, that’s why she liked Bailey, he gave her the space she needed and was willing to step in when he had something to say. She looks over at Garrus who nods at the mercs just ahead of them. Their panicking, threatening to kill the man who their questioning. Not good, two guards walk down the aisle towards where Shepard and Garrus are crouched on the floor. She makes a circle with her hands then nods at the approaching guards. Praying he understood what she meant she activates the extra shield her prosthetics can produce. as the guards take their steps closer, they act. Shepard and Garrus tackle the guards, giving them a swift wack to the head. With their cover blown, its go time. 

Shepard charges forward using her biotics, with only enough force to knock them out. Then next using nova to push them all away from her before they can react. Garrus comes in close behind her, following he leads by knocking anyone out who gets back up. The guys they both assumed to be the leader of this attack looks at them with his gun drawn, his hands shake at what Shepard and Garrus just did. With the impending disruption of the turian military soon to rush in, Shepard walks right up to him. She crouches down in front of him looking right into his eyes, then nodding towards the victimized person for Garrus to go check on. She knows she terrifies this guy, by the way, he shakes and is too scared to shot, she probably one of the scariest things he’s ever seen.

“Who do you work for?” she asks him.

“I can’t tell you, they’ll kill me if I do!” he responds.

“And I have the authority to keep you safe, so you have choices, you can one: go with the turian military since their waiting outside and will come in within the next five minutes, you can two: stick to your loyalty to a group that will never value your life, and kill you off for failure of your mission, or three: come with Captian Shepard and be safe under alliance protection from your employers with the cost of telling me who they are. Your choice.” 

“Shepard?’ he says. “I would rather die then go with you!” 

“I guess you made your choice then,” She stands back up looking to Garrus. “Let’s go, and bring the victim with us.” Shepard walks away from the man with Garrus and the butcher in front of her, shielding them from any gunfire. She hears him scurry away in the opposite direction of the civilians, at least they’re safe.

As Shepard and Garrus exit the store, she picks up her basket Garrus had to drop on the floor, leaving an appropriate amount of credits in the till. They exit the store with her leading them this time. The turian military reacts with their guns pointed at them, so she mentions to stop. This is a moment in which she has the choice to say nothing or using her for some reason still standing spectre status to get what she needs. This is a case where she wants to get what she needs. So she speaks, and she commands the theoretical room.

“I am Captain Shepard of the alliance military, Spectre. The man you are looking for ran away, and I suggest you apprehend all the other dangerous personnel inside before they wake back up,” she continues. “I also request to speak to whoever is your commanding officer.” 

“I am,” a female turian steps into the ring, waving for her officers to put their guns down and case after the leader of the merc group, and collect the men inside. “Commander Valia Sancso, it’s an honour to meet you, Captian Shepard,” she salutes Shepard. “If I can help you in any way, please let me know,” her face markings are a deep blue and fall from the crest of her head to the upper half of her mouth. 

“You can, I need all information on the mercs that attacked the store when processed, send it to the Normandy, our VI will be in touch and ill inform her to expect someone with your name to be contacting us with a profile,” Shepard types a few things into her omi-tool, then sending the address for the profiles to be sent to Valia. 

“I'll get on it as soon as I can Captian, but I do have a hostess situation to manage and thank you for taking action, but it was risky.”

“Risk is the currency I deal in commander, it's my profession, so I would ask for forgiveness than permission.”

“Apology accepted Captian Shepard. I do have a question for you though, where did you go after you left that hospital on earth?”

“Where I went,” Shepard sighs. “When my retirement application was processed hardly an hour after I submitted it,” She looks over at Garrus. “I got married to my husband as soon as we could, the alliance moved us to a small town a few hours out of Vancouver, adventuly adopted and was living there ever since, till now course. Does that answer your question?”

“I'm surprised you said so much.”

“Me too,” Shepard smiles at the ground. “We should be going, please, don't forget the profile on the mercs, I need them.” 

“Don't worry Captian, ill get them to you,” Valia says to Shepard as she walks away with her bag of groceries and Garrus right next to her. 

They hail a cab off the side of the street. It takes them through the city back to the spaceport. Shepard and Garrus don't talk the entire way there, even if the silence eats at her on the way back. The days are far and few between, but occasionally he will get like this. He won't say a word and shell get stressed about it. Questioning to herself if she did something wrong or upset him in some way. She worries more then Shepard would like to admit, and not just about him, about everything. From what they have for dinner to who will pick up the kids, but never about being pulled out of retirement, never that. Shepard believed in Hackett to keep her name out of any future conversations if he could. She respected him and he respected her for her willingness to put more than anyone else int the galaxy towards a cause. 

The cab drops them off as close as it can get in the spaceport, but with no military clearance, they cant go all the way to the ship. So they walk, side by side Shepard and Garrus start the walk back to the Normandy. She holds her breath, should she say something to him? Should she ask, she knows that its the right thing to do. But what if he just brushes her off his shoulder like a bit of dust, to be ignored because of the insignificance. No, nothing in their relationship is insignificant. Every matter is important regardless of the size of the issue. so, she asks.

“Garrus? What's wrong why are you so silent?”

“Mmh? Oh, sorry was I being quite?”

“Yes, you were.”

“I was just thinking, lost in thought about what just happened.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

“Its been a long time since we’ve fought anything Shepard, and the way we just sunk back into routine got me thinking, you never do break the habits of a soldier do you?”

“No, I still wake up at the same time I did back when I was a newbie to my first squad, but that might be because I grew up on an alliance ship, so it most likely been there since birth. But you didn't grow up on a spaceship.”

“I did not, very military though, you know my dad. Back on track, we didn’t even have guns, yet everything fell into place, even after being gone for so long, the muscle memory is still there.”

“Its funny isn't it, once a soldier, always a soldier, its what they say about N7’s.”

“Makes sense, just seems unnatural you know? That even after so long…”

“It's still there as if it's stored in the back of our brains, waiting to be opened.”

“That's exactly it, guess you know how I feel.”

“Garrus, I'm your wife, it's part of my role to know these things, so feel better to talk about it?”

“Definitely, Mrs. Shepard-Vakarian.”

“Still don't know why we chose to combine our last names.”

“It was a compromise.” he watches her role her eyes at him. “Well my Shepard, our vessel awaits,” Garrus mentions with a dramatic bow towards the Normandy’s loading ramp. She takes his hand, letting him lead her up the ramp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and garrus in my mind have a very healthy relationship. and there is nothing you can do to change my mind.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmm yes, another chapter

Chapter 9

Shepard sighs as she and Garrus enter the Normandy, she won’t be physically seeing her kids for a while now. No, she can’t let herself get distracted by her family now, focus all she has on work. Yet the thoughts of not only her kids, but her cousins, aunts, and uncles all come to mind. How would they all react if she died a third time? That she's the only person in the Galaxy that can die a third time. 

“EDI, call everyone to the war room, I have a debrief to get started on,” Shepard says. 

“Right away Shepard,” EDI responds from the bridge.

Shepard heads for the war room with Garrus following behind her. Oddly enough the way the Normandy smells is all the same to her, it's like the state of the ship never changed other than being finished. All those wires and exposed beams were covered up and fixed after the war when she finally came home, nearly looking the same as the SR-1. it’s home, the ship is home, and she hates to admit it when there’s a place waiting for her on earth. Walls covered in family photos and children’s art. The pair only wait a minute or so for others to arrive, which only includes Liara, Kaidan, EDI, Taz, and the new doctor. Shepard is not too sure why EDI invited Dr. Mallory, but she’ll go along with it.

“So before I say anything, EDI, why did you invite Dr. Mallory?” Shepard asks the A.I.

“I thought it is well for him to know what injuries he might have to treat in the future due to the danger you have a tendency to put yourself in and completely disregard, Captain,” EDI quips back.

“That would be helpful on my end, Captain. And please call me Mallory,” he says.

“So then, Mallory I’m sure most or everyone else on this ship knows you well. What can you tell me about yourself that might be a problem,” Shepard asks.

“A problem? Well, I have a sister, she works in the news industry. She hates my entire family to the bones, changed her name to our last name actually, kinda dumb when you think of it. If that answers your question, Captain?”

“It does, I can trust you to an extent, now back on topic, what we have been assigned to do. Our first stop will be a colony in the traverse, its been reported to have recruitment posters for some type of militia. It will be our first stop to solving whoever is putting them up,” Shepard states.

“Do we have any theories as to why?” Liara asks.

“None, I think it might be Cerberus though. I may have hated the illusive man’s guts, but he was a smart guy,” Shepard responds.

“Smart enough to have a contingency plan?” Kaidan questions. 

“That makes sense to me anyway, he might have been indoctrinated at the end, but he could have prepared for all possible outcomes. That would fit his gig,” Shepard adds.

“But he died Shepard as you said before, you convinced him to kill himself, which lays the question, who took up his throne?” Garrus puzzles. 

“That’s a really good question,” Taz chimes into the group. “If I might add if it’s not Cerberus, then what will we do?”

“Take whatever cautions necessary,” Shepard says. “If it is Cerberus, it’s a big deal, they have been a threat to galactic politics and pace before, and I won’t let that happen again. Till we arrive at the colony, I want Liara to use your shadow broker title to get any information on what we could be walking into. Taz and EDI, there will be a case profile coming in from Commander Valia Sancso, you two need to analyze the person who they arrested, and the symbol they wear.” Shepard takes a breath. “As soon as you two are done, send it off to Liara for a further look at. All right everyone, I'll update you when we get to the colony, dismissed.”

Everyone leaves the room, including Garrus, only Taz stays behind with her. Shepard doesn’t know why, but she likes Taz. their fairly small, only an inch off her and eyes the colour of the richest trees leaves. She mentions for Taz to speak, as they catch on to what Shepard is saying. 

“You got a message from Admiral Hackett Captain, it’s listed as urgent,” Taz hastily says.

“I’ll be sure to check it out, now get to work as a specialist, your part of this team, we all do our part.”

“Yes ma’am,” Taz salutes Shepard, then runs back out of the war room, nearly stumbling over the steps. 

Shepard shakes her head smirking at the ground, this crew is still the same ragtag team of experts somehow. Still doesn’t feel right without chakwas though, and she knows that she’s not the only one thinking it. No motherly character to scold joker about taking his meds, or to pester Shepard about staying still after she nearly died for the thousandth time. And the time of all this happening, only a week till the anniversary of the end of the war with the reapers, and only another two till the day chakwas passed. It was a pian to come out of a coma alone without the Normandy there, luckily it was only a few days after when the alliance comms picked up the Normandy’s signal. 

Hackett had the kindness to keep her updated on what was going on, while her mother never left her side, practically working from Shepherd's makeshift hospital room. When Shepard first woke up, it was a medical miracle, all the doctors around her said she should have died, the odds of her living never existed. made her think death was afraid of her, but that’s just foolish thinking. When she heard that Normandy had landed on earth, Shepard tried to get out of bed. The feeling of broken bones being stressed as she pulls herself out of her bed is fresh in her memory. Then the doctors had to sedate her to get her back to bed, Next, she knew Garrus was holding her hand Sleeping at the side of her bed. The thoughts send tingles through her body. 

When chakwas gave her official statement on Shepard’s case, she remembered exactly what she said to all the other doctors around her. “I honestly am absolutely astonished,” she said. “yet I’m not surprised that she survived given the Commanders history, cheating death once, but a second time,” she tells her. “Commander, I think death might be afraid of you.'' The cheeky grin on her face is still fresh in Shepard’s memory. Best damm doctor the alliance ever had in her opinion. Sometimes Shepard wished that she could have done something to save chakwas, but ultimately there was nothing she could do. So now the mother of the crew stands in the back of everyone’s minds, and Shepard honers her every year by drinking a glass of Service ice brandy on the day of her death. 

Focusing back on her task, Shepard goes to her terminal at the galaxy map to check the email Hackett sent to her. It tells her to go to an N7 training base on Klensal, which is not a fen planet. She remembers the first time she was on klensal, it freezes her but off, not fun. But it's an order from the top, so she can disobey, or at least she can't because she's a good soldier as people say. If the public watched her fight, those words of praise would be very different. That star of terra, oh no, it definitely doesn’t belong on her chest with all those other awards. Shepard is very glad she doesn’t have to wear on a regular basis, she would look like those old pictures of the Russian military. 

With nothing to do after she sets a course for the colony, she checks her to-do list, going and catching up with Liara is on the top. Except she doesn’t want to take away from her work, Liara is a valued member of the Normandy crew, not just because she the shadow broker and that kinda asset is invaluable. But she's Shepard's friend, a good friend, someone she trusts with her life. This means its fine if she disrupts her for a few minutes, it's only a few minutes. Shepard’s feet stop pacing in random directions, and head for the elevator. Then right into Liara’s room.

The familiar view of the wall of monitors follows Shepard as the door opens. She's never liked them, it's unsettling. At the computer is her favourite blue Asari, Liara still wears her white and purple scientist get up. She smiles at her friend who happily opens her arms for Shepard to hug her. They stand in silence just holding each other in their arms, Shepard missed the feeling of this, Liara is one of her best friends if not the best. Shepard backed up resting her hands on Liara's shoulders, she really did miss her.

“It's good to see you, Shepard,” Liara says. “I missed you and Garrus.”

“You have no idea Liara,” Shepard leans against the terminal behind her. “It's good to back on the Normandy too, I feel like I’ve missed a lot.”

“Not too much, just crew changes. We have been more assigned to smaller missions, since the end of the war I believe Hackett doesn’t want to put too much pressure on us.”

“So how's tali doing?”

“Well, in two days is when we go to pick her up from Rannoch, she spends six months on the Normandy, and six months off so she can be home, and I spend seven months on and five off so at least one of us is here all the time, this coming month is actually the time where we are on at the same time. We seemed to have gotten lucky.”

“So I'll be able to find out in two days, you know time doesn’t work like that in space, Liara, in 72 hours ill be able to ask her myself?”

“Yes, that is exactly right,” she responds with a smirk. “By the way, Shepard, you could be more discreet with the ‘shadow broker’ name.”

“Liara, anyone of importance on this ship knows who you are, anyone who's close to me anyway. So I think you'll be alright unless someone within is a dumbass and a sell-out. Then we'll have a problem.”

“That would be a problem.”

“It would be a big problem, one that I don't want to deal with.”

“I'm sure everyone on this ship knows what will happen if they betray us.”

“They get their shit messed with,” Shepard says with suspicious eyes looking at nothing.

“Not the way I would have put it, but yes.”

“By the way, you said that you're not here for five months, where exactly do you go?” 

“Well, it has been nearly 10 years Shepard, the shadow broker ship may have been sacrificed because of Cerberus, but I have resources, I'll give you a tour next time I'm there if you're willing to come by.”

“I would love that, It's good to talk to you again Liara, I missed this.”

“Me too, now go get some rest Shepard, you'll need it,” Liara gives Shepard a few reassuring pats on the back.

“Not just yet, Kaidan wanted to speak to me, I'm guessing it's something about my new position as Captain, I do have to add, it took them a dang long time to promote me.”

“All right, let me get back to work Captain Shepard, I'll see you later.”

“See you later Liara,” Shepard waves goodbye to her friend as she leaves her room. 

Shepard doesn't get nervous often, but the last time she remembers having a prolonged conversion with Kaidan Alanko, he confessed to her, while Garrus was in the room at her wedding after-party. It was a whole thing that she nearly forgot about because of the amount of alcohol in her system. The next morning was rough, felt awful yet still had to get up and be on the plane for California in five hours, with the thoughts of one of her friends had told her that he once upon a time had a crush on her. As if that morning wasn't bad already. She can move past all that, be the bigger person as some say.

She walks into the observation deck. The view of stars and clusters among the encasing black of space. The colours of green, purple, red, and blue shine. She wonders how many stars are out there with planets that are habitable to all spices. She wonders if there are undiscovered or unknown species out there in the milky way, if so, what would they look like, how would they sound. A galaxy is a wondrous place she finds comfort in knowing that it's ever-expanding but expanding into what is the question. Most people don't share that opinion of space, the comfort in it, but it takes a person with special circumstances she guesses to feel more at home in a vacuum, then on a planet with breathable air. 

Kaidan sits with his back turned to her, facing the endless expanse. Shepard moves to lean on the large window, as she back touches the resistant to everything window, it sends shivers through her spine. Kaidan puts his omi-tool away, looking at Shepard. She didn't notice it before, but he looks as if a beard is starting to grow, the dark stubble traces around his face. His hair is cut differently, and eyes more tired. She does wonder why he's not an admiral, most likely for the same reasons she was a commander for so long. Simply too valuable of a ground asset to move up the ladder. It makes sense, she knows who he performs on the field, and if he got a teaching assignment he would have stayed. 

“So you need me, Commander Alanko,” Shepard teases.

“I would warn you to not be so casual Captain Shepard, and yes I did, but I forgot what I was going to ask.” 

“You forgot, sorry Kaidan, I guess I took too long to get to you.” Shepard apologizes. 

“Commander Alanko please Captain.”

“Okay… well if you remember what you wanted to talk about, please don't hesitate to ask for me, I'm open to you if you need me,” Shepard pushes herself from the window. 

“Captain,” Kaidan says to her as Shepard leaves the observation deck. 

Shepard admits to wondering how Kaidan became such a hardass. She doesn't remember him to be like that. He might have been a bit of a stickler for rules at first, but he relaxed, advenutaly. She'll ask joker and EDI when she's not super tired. Add it to the list of things she hates to admit to herself, but Shepard needs to sleep. In her hay day, she might have been able to last more than the healthy allowed amount of time awake, but time as a civilian has taken its toll. Though she knows, by the time all this is done, she'll be staying up for days at a time. May not be good for her body, but does she care about that. Shepard remembers laughing at anyone who actually thought she had a regular sleep schedule. 

Her feet carry her to the main Battery where she assumes Garrus is hiding away from everyone. He's probably ‘calibrating’ the thanix cannon, and angry with how it was left without the proper amount of attention. If she knows her partner, then it's what he's most likely doing, but just like her, he needs sleep too. The doors to the main battery open and sure enough, the sound of rattling can be hard from a corner of the room. Shepard peaks around the corner to see Garrus in the gun, fiddling with the mechanics. She watches him for a moment, his movements quick and precise, and the expression on his face he's focused, not letting any outside distractions in. 

He would get like this when the kids were little. All of his focus on looking after them, changing their diapers, wiggling their toes, making them happy. He became super focused on it, she assumed to distract himself from the world happening around them. The rebuilding of the earth among the aftermath of the Reaper war, the news stations that survived would cover everything constantly without stop. New relays operation, and finding stranded people among the stars. Now that all the relays are back open, the council species are rebuilding the citadel and making an attempt to send messages through dark space to the andromeda initiative. 

The defeat of the reapers brought a new era to the milky way. With all the losses in the general population of the Galaxy, it was enough to be countable, the citadel alone. She remembers the mounds of dead bodies along the walk when she was on the approach to the arm controls. Shepard has seen dead people, it was not an unfamiliar sight, but the number was absurd. Had the prothens been gathered like that on the citadel in piles, only for the keepers to get rid of them somehow. She can only imagine what the world would have looked like if the reaper won. What would be different, and how would it be different.

Shepard hovers over Garrus's back, silently stocking him before gently running the tips of her fingers on the underside of his fringe. She can hear his moan through his sub-vocals at the sensation. As soon as he does, he quickly turns around dropping the wrench in his hand. The noise rattles through the room when he relaxes, its not a stranger touching him. Shepard giggles a little at him, crouching down on the floor between his legs. She boops the tip of his nose smiling. 

“I've been told that I should sleep, and in my professional opinion,” She helps Garrus up to his feet. “So should you.”

“I could use it, couldn't I?”

“Yes you could use it, you can always use it. Be nice to sleep before we go back to work, get a level head.” She helps Garrus clean up his tools, putting them away in a box.

“I guess we should, I do feel emotionally... “

“Wrecked? Discouraged? Upset? Down?”

“Somewhere in there.”

“Well come on the then big guy, I could use a good cuddle,” Shepard pats him on the back as they walk out of the main battery towards the elevator.

As they step into Shepard's cabin, all pretenses go away. Sheard watches Garrus’s shoulders relax as he pulls his clothing out of his bag. Shepard decides she needs a shower, she grabs her moisturizer, soap, conditioner, and shampoo. She gets undressed then runs the water, and quickly brushes her hair out. The hot water always feels nice on her skin, but knowing that showers can't last as long on Normandy, she gets to work washing her hair and body, then scrubbing her face of any dead skin. She stands there for a moment under the hot water in thought.

She turns off the water, dries herself off, wrapping the towel around her torso stepping back into the main room. Garrus takes Shepard's towel, then wraps it over her head, tussling her hair around how she dries it. Without being able to see she reaches blindly at him, she has flexibility, not reach. She starts to laugh uncontrollably as her knees grow weak. He pushes and pulls her around on her feet, constantly losing balance and near toppling over as they walk around the lower half of the room. Shepard slams her chins into the coffee table, being knocked down onto it. Finally set free from her husband's hold, Shepard snatches her towel back from him.

“So how was your shower?” he asks her.

“Not as nice as the huge rain one we have at home, not near as nice.”

“That's too bad, I'll miss the one at home, I can stand under it.”

“Yeah, and thanks for drying my hair, you really helped with the knot,” Shepard tosses the towel on the desk chair as she goes back into the bathroom to brush her hair. Then she gets dressed into her N7 tank top and some underwear, she can never sleep in pants, shorts or underwear only, she gets too hot in pants. When she steps back into the bedroom, Garrus is already in bed patting the spot next to him.

“Come sit down Lamb,” Garrus pats her side of the bed next to him. 

“You know when you first started calling me that I was embarrassed you even knew that it was my nickname,” Shepard sits down next to Garrus, pulling the comforter over herself. 

“Your mother is the one who I picked it up from, I came to visit you in your hospital room after finding out that the nurses tranquillized you for getting out of bed, that was the first time I met your mother too.”

“She told me about that before, your first time in the same room with my mother and I was asleep. I‘m the pinnacle of girlfriends aren't I, leaving my boyfriend to save the world, not being conscious when he meets my mother,” Shepard says sarcastically.

“You're a great bond-mate Shepard and a very impressive bond-mate. If not all that, being with you at least has its perks,” Garrus wraps his arms under Shepard's head as they lay down, they both lay down on their sides and face each other. 

“And what would those perks be?” Shepard questions as she traces the ridges of Garrus’s chest plates with the tip of her finger. 

“Careful Shepard, you might give the wrong idea with words and tone like that, someone might think you have a crush on them,” Garrus teases.

“Maybe that's what I'm going for.” 

“Shepard, I don't think tonight.”

“Okay, just snuggle with me please, I feel like I need it after today.”

“I can do that.”

“Thank you,” Shepard rests her forehead on Garrus’s chest. 

Her mind begins to drift as Garrus holds her waist. The problems of the day seep away into the soft bed, making her mind calm and heart slow. Everything slows down, the room around her, and her actions all become no longer sped up with her frantic movements and desire to keep going without stopping. Shepards eyes shut, she can feel her long lashes on the top of her cheeks. The dark is comforting to her, she's been in it for so long, the only three constants in her life are Garrus, death, and the dark. The rest will come and go as time goes by, and she won't be around forever, it will all end eventually. 

It haunts her, the thought that someday it could all fall out of her damaged and scarred finger. It's all so delicate and fragile, the alliance has gone so far as to pull her from a happy retirement, what else could they do? Shepard knows Hackett and her mother wouldn't let them bring her back to service after this mission is done, but the thought is there. She can’t imagine how Garrus feels or think about all this, he may want to protect her all the time, but he can only go so far at home. On the battlefield it's a bit more literal, he has her back, and she knows. The first year of them being married and together on earth were a little funny. 

Garrus would get all worried about her and come rushing to wherever she was in the house when she stubbed her toe, her titanium prosthetic toe. Shepard guesses it was because they were together again, she had lost her arm and leg without him at her back, and he blamed himself at first. It wasn't just him either, everyone on the Normandy felt somewhat responsible for her near death. Especially Joker, when he came and visited Shepard in her hospital room, he said sorry with a waterfall of tears, saying that he could have at least tried to go back and get her. Shepard had to explain that she wouldn't have made it onboard anyway, that he did the right thing by running away. 

Even if she lost an arm and leg, and two of her closest friends, she's still here. Shepard is still holding on to that thread that keeps her dangling from the void. She still holds on to the people around her, and the memories she has of everyone. Her mind drifts on the gentle ocean as it shows her islands of good memories. She can feel the pleasing sensation of Garrus carefully moving his bare unclipped talon from the arch in her hip to the bottom of her thigh. It calms her, he knows she's worried and stressed, and he knows his touch can help. The ocean carries her wandering mind to a dream as her thoughts calm and body relax.

\---------------------------------------------------

Shepard wakes up to the stars above her bed, it's not the white ceiling at home, but it sure is pretty. She gets herself out of bed, putting her black N7 T-shirt on, the standard soldier's pants she's issued, black chaps, issued black boots, and her N7 hoodie. She has quite a lot of N7 gear. She does her hair into its military bun, tightly pulled back away from her face. She wakes Garrus up, then brushes her teeth before heading down to the CIC. checking the time on her omi-tool, only another hour till she has to get geared up, good timing. She approaches Joker as he turns his seat around to face her.

“Almost there Captain, did you sleep well?” Joker asks.

“How did you know…”

“EDI told me, she said you went to your cabin a few hours ago and haven't left, so sleep makes sense given how tired you get.”

“In that case, I did sleep well, thank you.”

“Good to hear, you used to wake up looking restless wandering around the ship, I bet having a nice big turian to hold you in your sleep helps calm the soul,” Joker says dramatically.

“Careful Joker, you might regret that kinda talk,” Shepard folds her arms across her chest. 

“Ooo, the captain sounds so threatening,” he turns his chair back around. “I might just have to go and hide behind my sexy robot girlfriend.”

“The Joke is not appreciated jeff,” EDI adds. 

“You do that Joker,” Shepard shakes her head as she walks away from the bridge. 

It won't be too long till she drops again for the first time in a long time, the hard decision will be who to bring with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so who should go with Shepard to check out the colony? and real hard debating to put smut in this or not, I don't know.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's been like 2 months, but in other news, new mass effect game and dragon age 4!!! so excited :D

**Chapter 10**

  
  


Shepard watches her omi-tool in silent thought. She sits on a crate in a corner of the shuttle bay, reading through her emails. The one from Hackett told her to go to an N7 training base on Iamen, with a quick search, she has information on the rock. The thing to jump at her is a surface temp of 108 degrees celsius, Shepard can handle the heat, but that’s gross. More importantly, Zero gravity. So whatever training camp is on that rock is for zero gravity, If it’s off earth then it’s an N2-6 facility. Hackett gives no other information than the location and the task of recruiting an operative with the felicity personnel code of N5-JV6. Which means he wants someone to go with her. 

  
  


Makes her think of when the illusive man would send her dossiers on people for her mission. Of course, it never ended up being him, but really just an ass of a woman, but she made it work. Shepard has always been told that nobody can rally a squad as well as she can. That no matter hard is, they always seem to follow her to hell and back. When she told the Normandy to leave her behind on earth and get away, Shepard had no idea she would be making a choice that would change the world. If she could have, it would have been up to Anderson, the illusive man had other ideas. 

  
  


Still hurts to hear the words from his mouth in her head. "You did good kid, you did good." they are the few single most important words in her life, The validation from the person she admires most in the galaxy. Even when the world was looking down on her he believed in Shepard.

  
  


The feeling of broken and shattered bones, bruised, bloody body. Shepard’s armour melted to her skin, all puffy and burned. left with scars that won’t heal medi-gel, and will last till she dies. She cant remember what her limbs felt like, but her body felt light, mind only focusing on what’s ahead of her. It all hurt so much she couldn’t even tell how bad it was till the doctors told her of the state the squad of soldiers found her in. the time spent in a coma was lost to her imagination, only felt like she was gone, floating in oblivion for a minute. The woman who died twice, it’s an interesting thought.

  
  


"Captain Shepard?" Kaidan talks into the near-empty shuttle bay "are you here, we need to go over who the ground team will be."

  
  


“I’m here Alanko,” Shepard says as she rises from her seat on the crate. Dusting herself off. “I intend on taking you and Liara, not risking Garrus, please don’t tell him.”

  
  


“No ma’am, but we do have a problem.”

  
  


“It is?”

  
  


“You and Vakarian are not cleared for ground duty captain,” Alanko says with the slightest tremble in his voice. He adjusts his standing position and holds her eyes. He’s nervous. 

  
  


“That’s why Hackett wants us to go to that training camp,” not just to pick someone up, but to be evaluated. This puts a wrench in Shepard’s plans, it means she won’t be there to see anything they find. “Well shit.”

  
  


“I apologize for the inconvenience ma’am, but you’re going to half to trust me to do the job.”

  
  


“Don’t worry about it Alanko, just give me a moment, I have an idea.” Shepard goes to the elevator then walks to the bridge with Kadian close behind her, definitely confused about what she’s doing. Shepard has never been the most predictable woman. Her hand holds on to the door frame as it opens, swinging Shepard around the corner into the bridge. "EDI," Shepard says. "Your going planetside, can I use you to watch the team?"

  
  


"If you’re asking to use my visual receptors as cameras Shepard, then yes, that is possible. I'll put the feed through to the war room for you, captain," EDI tells her. 

  
  


Even though Shepard cant go on the ground with her team just yet, at least EDI can give her comfort. Shepard lets out a sigh of relief, and she can feel her heart start to slow. She only has to get through this one mission, then go get cleared for ground duty, and pick up whoever is waiting for her. Nothing she hasn’t done before. Really she has done everything, if you can think of it, no matter how absurd. Shepard has probably done it. Bring the turians and krogen together, brokering peace between the geth and quarins. Saving the rachni queen, twice. Fighting her own clone. To top it all off, taking down every single reaper in the galaxy, Many call her a hero because of it. 

  
  


Shepard and Alanko return to the shuttle bay, waiting for everyone else. As everyone gathers and starts to gear up, it feels so familiar. The sound of straps tightening, guns being loaded and being clicked into place. But being on the outside watching everyone else put on their gear, makes her wistful. Her instincts want her to put on all her armour last minute and get on that shuttle. But her rational thinking mind knows otherwise. she loves it, she loves to be back here on the Normandy, even if the reason is not so great. It’s home to her, so much has happened on the Normandy that’s made it special. Maybe she can arrange for Avery and Nilus’s classes to come for a tour when they get back. 

  
  


“Shepard, ill be putting the visual feed through to the war room. Though if we leave the Normandy’s broadcast distance or something interferes. The feed will be cut off.” EDI says.

  
  


“Good to know, so… are you guys ready to go?” Shepard asks.

  
  


“I am, gonna miss you, Shepard,” Cortez responds. “You not being on the shuttle will be a little odd.”

  
  


“Yeah yeah, Cortez, everyone else but me will be there. It’s not like it will be too long before I’m back in my gear.” 

  
  


“I’m holding you to that Shepard,” Cortez jokes. 

  
  


“Me too, I hope to see you leading our next mission Shepard,” Liara chimes in.

  
  


“You guys are all so sweet, just get down there and do your jobs. We’ve been tasked with finding an answer, and that’s just what we’ll do.” 

  
  


“That’s right comm-, Captain,” Alanko says with an awkward smile. Everyone laughs.

  
  


“There he is,” Garrus pats Alanko on the back. 

  
  


“Three minutes to drop, everyone ready?” Cortez asks the crew.

  
  


“Yes,” EDI says while cocking her SMG.

  
  


“Oi, EDI, what did I say about gun safety, like 10 years ago,” Shepard crosses her arms.

  
  


“Dermatics Shepard,” everyone laughs at her comment. 

  
  


“Alright alright, get your asses on the shuttle you guys,” Shepard hits the side of the blue Kodiak a few times. “And bring me back good news!” She calls as she and Garrus walk back into the elevator. They watch as the shuttle bay opens. She can see the planet below, a typical garden planet from what she can see. Green trees forests and blue lakes must be beautiful. Shepard pictures it similar to Eden prime, which brings back a lot of memories. She would have loved to been stationed on Eden prime before the colony was attacked. It did look like a beautiful place to live. 

  
  


Yet Shepard could never picture herself not in space. It’s where she grew up, where her childhood happened. Looking out the observation decks, eventually being found by her mother. Part of the reason she wanted to be a soldier, to see the stars. She even made bedtime stories about it, travelling the stars with her ship and crew. Looks like she got what she wanted. She steps back into the elevator heading for the war room, Garrus following close behind. 

  
  


Shepard switches the feed for the war table to the link EDI set up. They can hear the squad talk amongst themselves as the shuttle shakes from entering the atmosphere. Then, it stops, the breathable air passing by. Is this what her mother felt like when she was promoted? Being so far away from her people, her friends, people she calls family. Shepard has always been the one to protect everyone, lift them when they fall. The amount of medi-gel she used could probably supply an army. Shepard will just have to get comfortable, this is her new position, and she has to live with it.

  
  


**\--------------------------------**

  
  


Liara jumps out of the shuttle onto the ground. The colony looks like any other small human one. Pod shaped homes, and the beginnings of a small town starting to form. As far as the eye can see are forests, bright green trees cover the landscape. Not too far in the distance a mine, and another colony. A pair of children run by them as the squad enters the main square. A human of darker skin with black hair runs up to them waving their arms. 

  
  


“You must be the team sent by the alliance, I’m the mayor of this colony, Gill Barron, a pleasure.” He says with an odd amount of confidence. 

  
  


“Commander Kaidan Alanko, you're having a problem with a militia?” 

  
  


“Come inside, we shouldn't talk about this out here,” Gill gestures to follow him. They walk through the colony, kids run past them as they watch adults work inside. 

  
  


Liara wonders why a militia would target a colony like this? It’s quiet and peaceful, a much-needed thing after so much war. That’s also why it makes sense, get the little guy. From what she can see, extreme little defence against raiders or a large force of any kind. Easily attacked, and with the mine nearby, a potential threat is in the works. Resources have a habit of attracting unwanted attention. A colony way out in the traverse would bring that attention even more. 

  
  


They enter a home after a short walk. If it wasn’t out in the middle of nowhere, it would seem like a normal place. The furniture is similar to the stuff on earth, the same gray tones used in everything. If it was anywhere else, she would have not liked it. Not enough character, But the green forests help. The room is decorated plainly, nothing significantly interesting about it. Through a small statute sitting on a desk in the back corner before the next room catches her eye. Same colours as Cerberus, but diffrent symbol. 

  
  


“Please sit, ill tell you anything I can,” Gill tells them, gesturing to the room.

  
  


“When was the first poster put up?” Liara asks.

  
  


“Little over a month ago, me and my husband have been taking them down as soon as they get put up,” He sighs. “Some slip through our fingers though.”

  
  


“Who has been putting them up then? Why haven’t you caught them?” EDI questions.

  
  


“It’s harder than you think, I’ve seen glimpses of the culprit, but they’re just too fast,” Gill answers. “Female though I think, from the appearance of their silhouette.”

  
  


“Where is your husband now? If you don’t mind me asking,” quired Liara.

  
  


“His name is Mark, He’s apart of the science team, they study the geological formation of the planet,” Gill adds. “Most of this colony is scientific.”

  
  


“Thank you, mayor, for your time. I need to talk to my team for a moment,” Kadian rises from his seat, gesturing for EDI and Liara to follow him outside. Once away from earshot enough, Kadian speaks. “Liara, I want you to go find Mark, gills partner. EDI, stay with me, and play it safe Liara, understood?”

  
  


“Yes sir,” She sets off away from EDI and Kaidan. 

  
  


The walk she takes around the colony is short-lived when she finds the lab. Knocking on the door, it takes a moment for someone to notice. At that moment she looks back at the town and the slightly odd formation and placement of garden pieces. It’s intentional to look nice, but it also seems strategic. Something to keep in mind for later. The door to the lab opens, and Liara is met with the face of a young human woman. 

  
  


Liara asks about Mark, and the young woman saying her name is Cassy shows her through the lab. Pretty standard geo lab equipment, nothing special, cover the walls and floor. She meets Mark in a corner of the lab. He has dark hair like Gill, but his skin is more tan, and a large tattoo covers his right arm. Cassy taps his shoulder gatting his attention. When he turns around she can see the full view of his face. Dark green eyes sharp jaw, and a little bit of stubble on his chin. 

  
  


“Are you mark? I would like to ask you some questions about the posters that have been put up recently,” Liara asks. 

  
  


“Yes, that would be me. And I knew this was coming at some point, Gill couldn’t stay hidden for long,” He says.

  
  


“What do you mean ‘couldn’t stay hidden for long’?”

  
  


“Gill thinks I’m going to keep my mouth shut because I’m his husband, but it for his own good. Gill is with Cerberus, I know, Cerberus died with the end of the Reaper War, but their back.”

  
  


“Gill is with Cerberus, why?”

  
  


“I honestly don’t know, but I don’t like it. I just want not only him, but this colony to be safe. If arresting him is the best way to do that, then please I will give all the evidence I can.”

  
  


“Can you promise me this?” 

  
  


“I can,” He responds simply.

  
  


“Here's the comms address to contact me, forward me any evidence you have on him” Liara leaves the lab. She radios Kadian and EDI to tell them that she has a witness that can attest to Gill corroborating with Cerberus. From what she can hear over comms, they arrest him, with what sounds like some difficulty. 

  
  


Liara meets Kaidan and EDI back at Gill's place to escort him back to the shuttle. Just before they get through the middle of the colony, the leaves on the ground whirl up into the air from a shuttle above them. EDI takes Gill and ducks behind one of the platers, Liara and Kadian together on the other side. She hears the familiar scratchy voice of Cerberus troopers say “kill them, the boss doesn't want them out of here alive!” then, gunfire. 

  
  


She holds her head down till she hears a break. Quickly moving out of cover, she uses singularity, aimed at where a few of the soldiers have made their position. Kaidan gets a few shots in before they both have to get in cover again for their shields to recharge. EDI seems to have to wrangle Gill down a bit if only Shepard was here. She would charge headfirst without any concern for her safety, then destroy anyone near with a biotic blast. 

  
  


Using singularity again, she takes two soldiers down, and Kadian gets the last two. He signals to them to move out before any more can come. They move quickly through the last bit of the colony back to the shuttle. They leave behind the colony and return to the Normandy with no scratches and a man to interrogate. Liara’s Omi-tool pings on while they ascend to meet the Normandy shuttle bay, it’s a message from Mark.

  
  


_ Dear Dr. T’soni, _

_ I hope the name is right, that’s what the address says. I also hope your alright, I and the other scientists heard the gunfire a few minutes ago. Attached are any files that should prove useful to you, ill copy Gills’ personal computer too and send you a copy. Feel free to request anything. _

_ -Dr. Mark Barron. _

  
  


She can feel it, “just like the old days” is something Garrus would say. He’s right, it is just like the old days. Except for everyone being 10 years older, Shepard and Garrus being married, and having kids. Tali becoming a pillar of her people, Kadian now a commander. Jack, now one of the leaders of the alliance biotic program, Grunt is with Wrex on Tuchanka helping keep the clans together. Kasumi is still thieving, Jacob is retired with his family, Miranda is with the alliance, helping oversee the reconstruction of the relays. Zaeed retired a few years ago from mercenary work to do more volunteer work and relax on the beach. Samara is still at the monastery with her daughter, and Javik regularly meets up with Liara.

  
  


From the days of the beginning, those first few missions with Shepard, it really is just like the old days.

\-------------------------

  
  


Nothing in a few months has stressed Shepard out this much, not since Nilus and Avery were pillow sledding down the stairs and they both nearly went headfirst into the floor. She’s pacing around the war room because she’s in the dark, EDI’s feed cut off when they went into the mayor’s place. It terrifies her to not know if some of her closest friends are okay or not. Shepard is stoped by her bumping into Garrus’s hands. 

  
  


“Calm down, we both know the people down there. I have full confidence in them, you should too,” he says in a reassuring manner.

  
  


“I know, I think being a mum has, well it’s made me a little soft,” She replies.

  
  


“Believe it or not, you’ve always had a soft side. Your protective, confident, strong, beautiful,” he says with a little emphasis. “Your the defender of the galaxy as everyone likes to call you, your Shepard. You cant be all those things and not have a soft side.”

  
  


“Oh I don’t know, I could have saved the galaxy and be an immoral asshole at the same time,” She wraps her hands in his laughing a little. “But thank you,” she sighs. “What would I do without you?”

  
  


“Mmm, I don’t know, Not be amazing as you are now.”

  
  


“I don-” She’s interrupted by a ping on her omi-tool, it’s joker telling her the ground squad is back. 

  
  


“See, they’re fine, no need to stress so much.”

  
  


“Whatever, come on,” Shepard pulls Garrus back down to the shuttle bay with her. 

  
  


The shuttle docks and the bay door closes. They watch as each of the team steps of the shuttle with the Mayor in handcuffs.

  
  


“Alright, your gonna have to explain this one to me, had to be a jammer of some kind down there, we lost feed after you went into his office,” Shepard mentions vaguely at Gill.

  
  


“Well don’t I have a story for you then,” Liara says following behind Kaiden.

**\---------------------------**

  
  


How can the stars feel so lonely? Is it the distance between or the number, because there’s a lot of them out there. Mallory looks out her apartment window, the bright lights of the street hardly touching her. She’s perfect, and she’s made the world see it so, so why does she feel this way. Like Commander Shepard has something she doesn’t. Mallory hates kids, so nothing there, it’s something else. It digs at her mind while she watches the new capital city of the earth be worked on.

  
  


She tosses her wine glass across the room, red staining the perfect white carpet. Just how is Commander Shepard better then she is, yes she might have saved the Galaxy. But there no proof, she’s the only one who lived that fight, she could be making the whole thing up for the world knows. So why does the redhead make her so angry? What makes her so great? She should put on trial for all the crimes she’s committed. Mallory drags her hand through her hair, squeezing the top of her head so her long manicured nails dig into her scalp.

  
  


The blood drips down to her cheek, then to her red painted lips, leaving a red line down her pale, perfect, face. She can’t even feel it, she knows she’s not high, so what’s happening? Going crazy? Maybe, but she doesn’t care. All she knows is Shepard is a problem, and till she can figure out why Shepard is a problem, that problem needs to be stoped. If she’s gone, then it can give Mallory space to think, yeah, space, just what she needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... Mallory seams nice


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

  
  


Shepard is having a hard time believing what Liara is saying, but she’s heard more crazy things. The connection between him and Cerberus was confirmed by Gills husband. And the idol in his office matched the mystery symbol on the perpetrator’s chest at the grocery store. This means Gill has lots to tell but till then, she has to get evaluated for ground duty. Hopefully, all those exercise routines she’s done over the years have paid off.

  
  


She dresses in her formal blues, which seemed to have been replaced since she last saw them. Someone was in her cabin while she wasn’t around. A note is on top of the neatly folded uniform.

  
  


_ Captain Shepard, _

  
  


_ Admiral Hackett has requested me to change your blue with this set, it is an updated medal set and a new design made specifically for you. He said you’ll probably find it to be too much, so “suck it up.” _

  
  


It is too much, the ends of the blue coat are pointed, not flat, and the edges are all lined with gold. It’s the same colour scheme as normal alliance blues, but this is special. The shoulders don’t have the gold bars, instead epaulettes on in gold, and all the buttons are little triangles. A red star over a ring of gold is on both her right and left upper arm. At the cuff are four gold bars, and across her chest is a small red rope, and a slighting longer one clipping up to her shoulder. It’s a lot. 

  
  


Shepard finishes it with her new hat, the same blue, with a black brim, and the red star with the ring of gold backing it in the front. Her bun tucked neatly under the whole thing. Shepard puts on each of her new medals according to a map of where they should be placed, and there’s a lot of them. She walks on to the bridge to watch the Joker dock the Normandy, as soon as she gets there, he double-takes her.

  
  


“New uniform Shepard?” Joker asks.

  
  


“It’s too fancy for me,” Shepard plays with the cuff. “And kinda impractical.”

  
  


“You don’t need to be practical Shepard, you  **saved** the galaxy, if this was 700 years ago, you would be revered as a god.” Joker replies. 

  
  


“No, no, that’s way too far, I’m not even close to a god.”

  
  


“You’ve survived impossible odds, trash-talked two-mile high robots, believed in something when nobody else would, if anything Shepard, you’re a damm hero.”

  
  


“None of that would have been possible without my pilot, they say he the best in the Galaxy,” Shepard smirks.

  
  


‘Maybe, but he can be pretty humble, won’t let it get to his head,” The Normandy docks in the port of Iamen. “Now go do what ya gotta do Shepard, and ill make sure we next to the next place safe and sound.”

  
  


“Let’s go with ‘intact’,” She says smirking. Shepard stands in the airlock waiting for fo it to open. The airlock opens and Shepard is greeted by a familiar face, it’s James. The years have done him well, still has all his muscles, but his hair has grown out a little. 

  
  


“Shepard!” he calls to her. “It’s good to see you!” She takes Vaga’s forearm in her hand, him doing the same to her.

  
  


“What are you doing here James?” She asks.

  
  


“Believe it or not, I train N7 candidates nowadays.”

  
  


“Congratulations then on your N7 James, are you going to be me and Garrus’s evaluator?” She pats his shoulder.

  
  


“No, just here to greet you guys, Anne, is going to evaluate you,’ He pauses for a second. “Nice blues Shepard, go grab your gear, ill show you where we’re going.”

  
  


“I’ll be done in a minute, come on board if you want and say hi to everyone,” Shepard turns around to go back on to get her gear. She quickly jumps down to the armoury, Garrus is already there when she gets there, he hands her the military-grade custom case her guns sit in. and she grabs her armour case, the two go back to meet Vaga. 

  
  


He leads them through the base, past a hallway of barracks, new recruits peer out their doors in the curiosity of the foreign human and turian. Near the end of the hall is an armoury, equipped with everything a soldier could need. Shepard remembers the first time she set foot in an N7 training base. It all felt so new, she was the biggest pile of nerves. But none of that exists anymore, muscle memory fits her gloves on her hands, clipping her chest plate in place. It’s all so normal when anyone who is a civilian would be concerned for her, and she knows they would call her a monster. But the world needs monsters who are willing to be heroes.

  
  


Shepard loads her crusader, the perfect weapon in her eyes. With all its upgrades and mods, basically a close-range sniper rifle, and oh does she love it. Crusader on her back and eagle on her hip, Shepard is ready. Garrus stands next to her, ready and set up. They continue forward into the arena, just like the hours spent at armax. Vaga and a woman of similar height talk. She’s dressed in alliance fatigues, and an N7 t-shirt tucked into the belt. Her hair is dark brown, and her skin is tan, she must be Anne. 

  
  


“Shepard,” Vaga calls. “This is Anne, she’s a college here.”

  
  


“Anne Owens, captain Shepard, ill be the judge to see if you’re ready for ground clearance or not. Well be doing two tests, one standard simulation, then one of your choice. You and Vakarian will be tested individually for the first test, for the second you can work together,” She gestures to the simulation field. “Vakarian first.”

  
  


Garrus does great, still in great shape since their retirement. Shepard loves to watch him fight like this, oddly enough she finds it very attractive. As he fights each wave off a small group of onlookers gather to watch. When it comes time for Shepard to fight, it’s like putting on a pair of socks, requires little effort. But feels amazing, the blood pumping through her veins, the rush of adrenalin from battle. And god does she love it. Between the waves, if you paid attention you would be able to see the grin on her face, heavy breaths make her chest rise and fall. To Shepard, it feels good to move her body this way, like an addiction.

  
  


When the simulation is done, Shepard focuses on her breathing for a moment. Letting the rest of her body catch up. Garrus soon joins her in the arena, the information on her visor changing.

  
  


“Captian,” Anne’s voice slighting distorted by comms says from overhead. “Since both of you did so well in that last round, I have challenged a few of the new recruits to join in with you for this next sim.” a few other people who are definitely much younger than she is, join her Garrus.

  
  


“Whats this sim?” Shepard questions a disembodied voice.

  
  


“Harder than the toughest sim that we train on here, a special something, just for N7’s” Anne responds.

  
  


“Alright,” Shepard looks at Garrus, who gives her a nod. “Bring it on.”

  
  


\-------------------------------------

  
  


She lightly organizes the brave newbies who have voluntarily agreed to be part of this. Shepard leans their names, Rockwell, Samuels, Le, and Torres. When the familiar sound of husks screeching sounds for the first wave. Shepard pops the heat sink, standing in her ready position, lightly charging her biotics. She’s the vanguard of any team, charging forward with no regard for anything. Other than the safety of her squadmates, and completing the objective. 

  
  


When the first husks spawn in she charges at them full force, killing two upon impact. She immediately uses nova to fly the husks into the air. Shooting the last two with her shotgun while Garrus takes the two in the air out. The other soldiers do well and hold off their end of the field. Nothing she hasn’t done before, but when she looks across the field for ammunition, there’s nothing.  _ Well, shit makes this a little harder. _

  
  


“Don’t waste your ammo, we don’t have refills.” Shepard switches to holding her shotgun in her right hand, activating her more than a single-use version of the Omni-blade. “Right,” she cracks her neck. “Let’s fight.”

  
  
  


Almost as bad as the fight with three banshees and the horde of brutes that came after. It’s almost as if this sim is modelled after that particular fight. And it’s oddly going well, too well. Few shots here and there, but more using her gun as a blunt object. The second wave over and Shepard is exhausted, ammo pretty depleted with only one clip left. From what she can see, it’s the same for the rest of the team. 

  
  


“Everyone one in,” Shepard gathers everyone together quickly to tell them of an idea she’s got. “Collectively we are low on clips, so if you are skilled with an Omni-blade, switch. Only use your gun if you have to, if you need help, don't be afraid to call for it. We are a team, and nobody is going down on my watch, understand?”

  
  


“Understood ma’am,” they say collectively. 

  
  


Shepard preps herself for anything, but when the enemy spawns, Shepard could never be ready for what she sees. It’s a brute, but bigger. As if two brutes were stacked on top of each other, and their total mass was combined, whatever it is, it's big. The whole team looks to be in shock, Shepard can't blame them, she's confused herself but that doesn't mean she gets to stop. Just means Shepard is going to have to try harder, and think smarter. It’s too tall to get at from the ground, so she needs to get up high, but there’s nowhere to do that. Shepard looks over at Garrus who is taking his perfectly aimed shots at the thing a few feet away. 

  
  


“Garrus,” Shepard says, moving closer to him. “I need you to throw me.”

  
  


“What?” Garrus looks at her confused. “Shepard, what are you talking about.” 

  
  


“We are gonna need more power than bullets to take whatever the fuck that thing is Garrus, i need you to throw me up there.”

  
  


“Spirits Shepard, you sure about this?” 

  
  


“100% gare-bear.”

  
  


“Fine, run up to me, step in my hands and I'll toss you up.”

  
  


Shepard backs up, and takes a shot right at the oversized brutes head, getting its attention. As the massive brute starts to run towards her, Shepard sprints at Garrus, timing her jump so she lands on top of the brute. Her Omni-blade digs deep into the monster's flesh, barely keeping Shepard on the beast's back as it flings her armoured. Shepard steadies herself on the brutes back, grasping at its neck with her prosthetic hand, crushing it in her grasp. Shepard shots it in the head point-blank, then cuts its head off with her Omni-tool. 

  
  


Showing off a little, as the brute falls to the ground, Shepard rides it down, combat rolling off as it disappears into the air. The sim falls around them, room returning to its original gray brick shape and colour. She can feel it again, eyes, watching, Shepard doesn't like it. She turns around to leave the area and a flock of young soldiers crowded her, cheering erupts from the viewing decks above. Now it really feels like the armax area, and she knows where the watching feeling is coming from. The door opens to the locker room and she bolts for it, stress starts to seep it, turns out Garrus is one step ahead of her. 

  
  


Before anyone else can see her, Shepard pulls Garrus off to the side and wraps her arms around his waist. Shepard starts to hyperventilate, her body wants to move, hands tremble and struggle to hold on to him, but Garrus keeps her close, His own hold on her growing tighter. Shepard’s heart rate slowly falls from the rush of adrenaline. Garrus rubs this thumb on the back of her neck, helping calm her down, to make sure she feels safe.

  
  


\---------------------------

“Your safe Luna, I'm right here,” Garrus comforts her. It's been a long time since she last had a panic attack. They’ve managed to avoid it for the first few years while she did therapy which helped a lot. They thought the attacks were gone, even when the doctors said they could come back. He knows all he can do is be there for her while it happens.

  
  


As she calms down, he slowly lets go of her when she stops shaking. Shepards breathing slows and returns to normal, she's focused on him, the bright blue of her eyes peering at him. 

  
  


“Luna, if you're going to be having attacks again, you can't be on the Normandy, you need to go home.”

  
  


“I’ll be able to manage Garrus, going to have too.”

  
  


“Don't treat yourself like this, Lamb.”

  
  


“Let's get up Garrus, I need to find some problems to solve,” Shepard steps back from Garrus.

  
  


“Why don’t you solve your own?”

  
  


“That’s funny,” Shepard walks out of the locker room into the elevator up into the main hallway. If he knows anything about Shepard, James has something to answer for.

"Luna," Garrus stops her before she can go up the elevator. "If you’re going to stay, you need to be on your meds again, I don’t want to see you in such a bad shape again," Garrus remembers how Shepard first felt before she went to therapy and went on antidepressants. Those first few weeks were rough. 

"I… I'm sorry, I'll go on them again. I don't want you to feel like shit too," Shepard laughs a little, her way of making hard to talk about subjects more manageable. 

  
  


"It was rough, I will admit… but, let's go, if your getting attacks again we should be talking about this in a better place," he looks around. "Not a locker room would be a good place." 

  
  


They go up the elevator, James and Anne are waiting for them when they get there. Anne looks slightly angry from what Garrus can tell, humans use so much of their face to communicate. Why she's angry, he couldn't tell you.

  
  


“Shepard!” James puts his hand up for a high five, Shepard gives him a high five reflectively. “Gotta admit, that was amazing.”

  
  


“Thanks, Vaga, but what the fuck was that,” Shepard deadpans looking at Anne. 

  
  


“A training sim, the last enemy is a mega brute, it was created by my training officer, a real tough one, huh,” she smirks.

  
  


“That might be an understatement, and I've fought more brutes than I can count. Making the people you are supposed to be training to fight enemies that they’ll never face on the field is unfair,” Shepard argues. 

  
  


“And you should be disappointed in yourself captain, not seeing the advantage of that sim!” 

  
  


“If I have to crush the brutes neck in my titanium metal hand before I can kill it, something is wrong. Besides, why create an enemy you’ll never see, to create a brute, you need two things, a krogen and a reaper, We don't have one of those things. And don’t but me cause I’ve seen all of Cerberus’s failed reaper projects, they never worked.”

  
  


“Your ignorant Captain Shepard, you make a decision in haste before seeing all the facts.”

  
  


“Look, I just want my field approval so I can be there for my team, your argument is valid, but jumping headfirst into the fire is what saved your life if I never pushed myself past what my body can handle,” Shepard takes a second to calm herself down. “I don’t know where you served during the war, but nothing was worse than the number of lives I’ve taken, nothing is worse knowing I shot admiral Anderson, I took his life, the single person in this entire universe I could not respect more. I’m missing an arm and a leg half my body is burned, the other half is cut up and shattered. If you don’t think that I don’t know what I’m talking about, take a look. I’ve been through hell and back Anne. so please, just give me my clearance so I can leave.”

  
  


“Sure, ill ah, go do that now, have and good day Captian,” Anne waves at Shepard as she leaves down the hallway. 

  
  


“Well, shit Lola,” James says. Shepard ignores him, heading back to the Normandy. 

  
  


“Guess what Vaga,” Garrus warps his arm around James leaving on him. “That’s my bond-mate,” Garrus says with stars in his eyes. “I’ll see you around, got plans for next Christmas that your gonna be part of.”

  
  


“Send me an Email, I’m down to spend the holidays with you guys, nice to see the little ones again, though they’re not so little anymore are they?”

  
  


“They’ve grown a few inches maybe, and come visit when we are not on a mission, sure Shepard would love it.”

  
  


“Good to see you Vakarian.”

  
  


“You to Vaga,” Garrus runs down the Hall, catching up with Shepard, giving a salute to James. 

  
  


\-------------------------

  
  


Shepherds Omni-tool dings, it’s her field clearance. She can go planetside with her squad now, which cools some nerves, but she still riled up from Anne. Shepard doesn’t enjoy going off like that, makes her feel rude, which she was. The abuse of rank is not not something Shepard pulls often either, Last time she did was probably when Shepard used her Specter status to get Joker two little umbrellas, then fell through a fish tank. Those were the days, fighting her own clone, throwing a fantastic party before the world comes down on them. Stopping anchnit wars, delivering a cure to a genophage. Always trying to come out on the other side with the best possible result.

  
  


The air-lock on to the Normandy opens as Garrus catches up with her. Shepard knows her name will be attached with the history of the universe forever, even if she knows how much harm she's done. Shepard steps into the Airlock, Garrus pats her back as they wait for decomtantion to be over. Liara is waiting with EDI as soon as Shepard steps on deck. 

  
  


“We have something Captain,” EDI says.

  
  


“Walk with me then, I'm getting out of my armour,” Shepard heads to her cabin, Liara and EDI in tow.

  
  


“Kaidan has been questioning Gill, and he's got something out of him,” Liara tells Shepard as she pushes the button for the cabin.

  
  


“He's connected to a new cerberus, says that they have a hand in everything now,” EDI adds as they enter Shepard cabin.

  
  
  


“So where dealing with cerberus, fantastic,” Shepard starts to strip, pulling all her armour off. 

  
  


“I think a good place to start would be those robbers you saw at the grocery store,” Liara continus. “I got the file on them, the symbol on their armour is definitely the same one i saw in Gill's office. By that we can assume it's the new cerberus logo.”

  
  


“Any sightings of others similar to those guys?” Shepard asks.

  
  


“There is one,” EDI says.

  
  


“Where?” Shepard questions.

  
  


“The citadel,” EDI responds.

**Author's Note:**

> thought nilus was a cute name to remember to first turian we all fell in love with.


End file.
